Guru Dutt: A mother's tribute to his son
Tuesday, 18 March 2008

A banner associated with all-time classics like Aar Paar, CID, Pyaasa, Sahib, Biwi Aur Ghulam, Chaudavin Ka Chand and Kaagaz Ke Phool. The man who had floated the production comapany abruptly moved on to another world, leaving behind a never-finished dream, Baharen Phir Bhi Aayenge. Forty years later, his family has still to terms with his sudden death. His movies still bring back a treasure throve of memories...
The monochromatic shadow play of Sahib Biwi Aur Ghulam takes his sister, Lalitha Lajmi back to their childhood days in Kolkata. When 14-year-old Guru Dutt would use his fingers to shape images on a wall lit up by the flickering light of their grandmother’s diya as she performed the evening arti. Images that spun out wonderous fantasies that left his younger siblings wide-eyed.
Lalitha’s brother was lonesome but not lonely. Abrar Alivi’s filmmaker friend was introverted but at the same time delightfully impulsive, dragging him off to a mujra or a local brewery. Arun Dutt’s father was an intimidating figure who found it difficult to articulate his emotions...
The same man...differening prespectives. What was the real Guru Dutt like? People are still trying to unravel the enigma. We believe a mother knows her son best which is why Screen will be serialing Vasanthi Padukone’s book, My Son, Guru Dutt, published soon after his untimely demise. May be excerpts from the book will help us understand the movie icon and the reason he went away too early...
CHAPTER 1
It was 1923. We started our first home at Panambur, a village in South Kanara. It was a small village and the inhabitants, mostly farmers, were poor.
There was a school run by the Grampanchayat. My husband, Sri Shivshanker Rao Padukone, was its headmaster. The number of students was hardly a hundred. Some of them came from quite long distances.

In those days, the headmaster was respected by the entire village. We lived in a rented house surrounded on three sides by green fields and on one side by a wide road on which buses ran between Mangalore and Udipi.
My father-in-law had planted two coconut palms near the house. He used to tell us “You will also live long like the ‘Kalpavraksha’ and be helpful to the needy.” He was a pious man and very affectionate. He had thirteen children - ten sons and three daughters (it was a sort of pride to have many children those days) of whom my husband was the youngest. Naturally, he was a pampered child, and more so, because he lost his mother when he was hardly thirteen. After the death of my mother-in-law, the home was broken and my father-in-law with his youngest child used to live in the house of his other sons by turn.
As my parents were not living together, I had also been brought up by my maternal relatives from the age of five. I was married when I was 15-year-old. Naturally, I was inexperienced in housekeeping when we started our home.
Our landlord, who had only one eye, had a sweetmeat shop. He was kind, affectionate and treated me like his own daughter. Every time he prepared sweets, he would give me some to taste. It was a pleasure to watch him prepare sweets.
In the village, the bazaar was held only once a week. People from villages, far and near, used to come to buy their requirements such as clothes, bangles, vegetables and other commodities. It was such fun to watch these villagers coming, bargaining, etc. We used to get fresh vegetables from the farm itself. A maid-servant, who was also my age, used to do odd jobs in the house and accompany me whenever I went. We had to get water from a well which was far away from home. Once it so happened that the servant girl fell ill, and I had to fetch water. On the way some mischievous boys threw stones at me and tried to pull my leg. I was very timid. I ran home crying and panting for the house for a few days.
Those boys were from the school where my husband was the headmaster. They were punished severely and the parents took action. They brought the case before the “Grampanchayat”. Somehow, a compromise was brought about between the headmaster and the parents. I still remember another incident there. One day our landlady who used to work in the fields came home at 12 noon. As soon as she entered, she made a sound like a beast. Her eyes were red and wildly opened. She rolled on the floor. She was shivering. I was playing with her little grandson in a corner of the verandah. That lady’s son, daughter-in-law, the old man, all came rushing to her as if they knew what had befallen her, and tried to appease her. “We remember,” pleaded the husband, “we did not perform my father’s or your father’s Shradha ceremony. we will surely perform these soon. Please go away.” So saying the old man kept a rupee on a ‘panleaf’ and prostrated before her (the old lady). His mother’s spirit had come upon her to remind them. Others also bowed before her. Once again the old lady looked at each one of them with piercing eyes, and slowly and steadily the spirit left her. The old lady fell down with a sound. She became weak. The whole day, she could not get up nor touch any food.
On the school day, there was a Kannada drama played by the students. A few girls sang songs. At that time, dance was forbidden on the stage although the village folk danced during festivals and fairs. The prizes were given by my hand. I felt nervous and shy while stepping on the stage.
My husband used to get malaria often. He was treated by one of the school teachers called ‘Nachappa master’. He used to prescribe Ayurvedic medicines. The old man suggested that it would be better to consult an astrologer to find out whether the trouble was due to the unfavourable influence of the stars. My husband never believed in astrology. But, he had to yield to the suggestion of the old man. The astrologer wanted to read my hand too, and he being an old man, my husband did not object. The astrologer gave a broad smile at me, when he examined my palm. He predicted that I would get a son within a year. He would be a great person and bring good luck to the family. The child would be world famous. I felt shy at that time; getting children at such a young age was unthinkable.
After the annual exams, the school was closed for the summer vacations. My husband was not contented with the meagre salary. He wanted to proceed to Bangalore in search of a job. Once he decided to do anything, no one could stop him. He resigned the job. It was so painful for me to leave Panambur, where I led a peaceful independent life. I missed those traditional village ‘Yakshagana’ dances which were held the whole night in front of our house. I used to watch them from our window at nights and get scolded by my husband.
Artist Cousin
Before going to Bangalore I stayed at Mangalore with one of my maternal cousins for four months. She was a very strict woman although she had a good heart. She could not tolerate even a small thing going against her will. My only consolation was the affection of my cousin brother Sri B.B. Benegal, who was an artist. He was four years older than me. He used to take me out for an occasional stroll. Young girls were forbidden to go alone anywhere in those days. We used to take long walks, discussing about our future etc. He was a great admirer of Rabindranath Tagore, and used to get his books for me to read from the school library. I also became a great admirer of Tagore and his works. I used to dream that if at all I get children, they should be as talented as the Tagores. So we came close to each other.
It was a joy to watch my cousin while he was busy with his colours and brushes. My cousin’s father was an ardent admirer of art and the stage. During his young days it is said he used to take an active part on the stage. He also experimented on stage improvements and lost a lot of money. Thus the family had to suffer due to poverty. So his children had a grudge against him. He was a nice old man and very affectionate (I have always had a soft corner for old people). I used to pound his pan and help him whenever he wanted something or the other. He had promised me that he would stay at my place when I joined my husband. Unfortunately, he died a few days after I left for Bangalore. His wish could not be fulfiled.
In 1924 October, I went to Bangalore, Shivshankar got a job in a bank. My mother was with me most of the time after she joined us at Bangalore. I left Mangalore after the Gouri-Ganesh Pooja was over. This is a great festival for us. In olden times we observed the puja in a strict orthodox manner, fasting until the ‘Gana-homa’ and puja were over, simple devotion. Perhaps I have inherited this from my father. He was a follower of the late Sri Manick Buva. My father’s uncle Sri Swami Pandurangashram, was the Spiritual head of our Saraswat Community at the time. He was very orthodox and a strict disciplinarian. He had tabooed travel to foreign countries. So, in those days, people who had dined with foreign-returned persons had to take ‘Prayaschit’ to purify themselves. We had done this in 1921 after my brother’s wedding.
After coming to Bangalore, the whole atmosphere was strange to me. I had never been to school for any length of time. Before my wedding I attended school for one year and a half and that too because of my uncle who helped me financially. So, I had little learning. My cousins who were educated used to look down upon me, which hurt my sensitive nature a great deal.
I joined one of the Convent Schools to learn embroidery. I was unable to follow the English spoken by the nuns there. But they used to teach me with their broken Kannada language. Within two months signs of pregnancy appeared in me. I had to stop going to my classes, as I had severe morning sickness.
How avidly I used to read the lives of Sri Ramkrishna and Sri Vivekananda in Marathi! I could not understand their philosophy, but I had read somewhere that if a person who is pregnant devotes her time to reading good books, the child to be born becomes endowed with a brilliant intellect. It may or may not be true, but I sincerely believed it. It is this faith and sincerity which really played an important part in my life.
From childhood I was not allowed to have any friends in whom I could confide. I was the favourite of my father. Since we were separated, I was feeling very lonely. In those days, a girl of 10 years was treated like an adult, and so children had no freedom of any sort. My mother was very strict. Her nagging and fault-finding made me an introvert. Even after my wedding I was not close to my husband. We were poles apart. The wife had neither choice nor voice in any matters. Women had only to be submissive and obey their masters.
As the time of my confinement was nearing, it was difficult for me to move about. I used to get sweet dreams of the baby to be born. At length, the fateful day dawned. 9th July, 1925. I had severe labour pains and my husband and mother took me to the hospital, no one was allowed to stay there, only during visiting hours. So, my people left me and went away. How ignorant I was at that time! I knew nothing about what a patient who had come for delivery should do, or should not do. I went and sat on a chair which belonged to the matron. The pains were coming off and on. As soon as the matrons entered she was furious at seeing me, a patient, sitting in her chair. She shouted at the top of her voice and started abusing me. I was already nervous and her shouting made me more so.
The pain became unbearable after a time. I was taken to the labour room. The nurses there were also inhuman. Their treatment towards patients was humiliating. However, at 12 noon exactly my child was born. A bundle was brought to me after an hour or two. The nurse opened the bundle and placed the new-born beside me. I could not believe that the child was mine. My own flesh and blood. I kissed the baby’s forehead. I forgot all the pain I bore. How cute he looked with his curly jet black hair, fair complexion and big eyes! He weighed less than 6 lbs. the nurse said.
In the general ward, there was an elderly lady next to my bed. She was kind and affectionate. She showed me how to breast feed the child. In the evening both my mother and husband came. Mother was so happy to see her grandson. Perhaps, my husband also felt proud on becoming a father.
In the Hospital
My son was the only male baby that day, all the rest were girls. I used to feel nervous to handle the tiny baby. That same day, another young girl gave birth to twins. They were kept in an incubator. They were wrapped up in cotton and they looked like dolls.
Next day, it so happened that the nurse brought another baby to me. She made a mistake, by not seeing the number of the cardboard which was tied to the baby’s neck. My baby’s number was 9. The other baby’s number was 6. I fed the other baby thinking it was mine. The mother of that baby got wild as soon as she found out the mistake. She could recognise her baby. She made a big fuss about this and took the complaint to the doctor. The poor nurse was suspended for a week.
What a pleasure it was to fondle and kiss my tiny baby! The Mother becomes one with the child and forgets her existence, and even the world outside. That is the magic or maya of the Creator. This maya creates an impregnable bond between the baby and the mother, and how difficult it is to cut down this bond of maya!
It was the month of July. It rained heavily with thunder and lightning. On the 11th day my people came to take me home. The old lady next to me blessed me and the baby. She shed tears as she was undergoing an operation that day. There was no certainty of her surviving the ordeal. Poor lady! How much she was attached to me! She helped me a lot, as I was forbidden to get up for a few days.
My mother bathed the baby. How curiously I watched this! On the 12th day, the cradle ceremony was performed. A few relatives and neighbours were invited. My elder brother had suggested two names: Vasant Kumar and Gurudutt. The baby was born on Thursday (Guru’s Day) and it was the birthday also of Madhavacharya, the great philosopher and Saint of Vaishnawa cult.
The baby used to cry off and on. Perhaps his light body could not bear the cold. Whenever it rained, the weather in Bangalore used to cool down considerably. The baby used to get cold and cough every now and then. I knew nothing about child care. In the beginning I was clumsy even while changing his diapers.
When the baby was a month and a half old, he started gazing at persons who came close to the cradle, and used to keep on smiling. Gradually he started holding a toy with his tiny hands.
When the baby was two months old, he was vaccinated. For a few days he was very peevish. At the third month, he started to turn on his belly. He never crawled straight away and he tried to sit when he was six months old. It was a pleasure to see him fall down during his attempts to sit. When Gurudutt completed his seventh month, we took him to a photographer’s shop to take a photo. Everyone in the family was anxious to see the baby. How sweet he looked in this photo with his big eyes!
We were forced to shift to another house on the 5th road Chamrajpet, as the landlady started troubling us in our house. Our new habitation was an outhouse. The landlord had a beautiful wife named Gouri. She was charming and had three children. Her husband was not satisfied with his wife. He was carrying on with the maid servant of the house and the couple always used to quarrel. Gouri used to come to my mother with tears in her eyes. She threatened her husband that she would leave him. She had no parents, brothers or sisters to provide for her.
During this time we got the news that my father had come from Bombay to his cousin’s house at Malleshwaram. We both went there to bring Papa to our place. I saw my father after a six-year gap. How I wanted to go and embrace him! But this show of affection was not allowed in those days.
In 1927, when Mahatmaji came to Bangalore for rest along with Kasturba, Mahdev Desai, Maniben etc., we used to go there every evening to attend the prarthana (prayer) held in his presence. I attended it daily and I also coaxed my husband to attend it. I was very much moved by the bhajan. I also sang the Kannada devotional songs of Purandardas, Kanakdas and Bhatkal Appaya Shenai. Those songs had mostly Sanskrit words in them, which appeared to Pt. Madan Mohan Malaviaji. He would ask me to sit besides him to sing songs which specially dealt with Advaitha. By and by I was very much impressed by the atmosphere there. Rajaji’s daughter Laxmi, (who became Devdas Gandhi’s wife later) became my friend. We carried on our correspondence for many years. Little Gurudutt was evidently impressed by all these happenings. Every evening, as soon as lamps were lit in front of the idols at home, he would close his eyes and sing ‘Raghupati Raghav...’ although he could not clearly pronounce the words.
On his second birthday (in 1927), I dressed him up in red clothes which were his favourites, put his ornaments on and sent him to the landlord’s place to wish them. It was midday when he returned home running. He fell down near the well, which was situated between our house and the landlord’s. He was hurt severely near the forehead. I took him to the nearby doctor. At night he had high fever which continued for two weeks.
When Guru was a baby, I had once a severe attack of diarrhoea and had been treated by an old Vaidya. We had faith in him, and so we made him commence treatment for my child. It produced no result. The child’s condition became worse, day by day, I gave him milk in his silver cup. His eyes rolled up, his body became cold and his breathing rapid. The doctor who was nearby refused to come to see the child when I described his condition.
My cousin’s husband was a doctor. But my husband disliked him. He never allowed me to consult him when I was ill. This time I was desperate. I rushed to my cousin’s place which was on the 1st road, and requested him to save my child. He listened to everything quietly. All of them loved Gurudutt very much. But he refused to see the baby on principle. I wept, and that perhaps moved him at last. He came with me. We had closed all the windows and doors. I was so ignorant of everything! He opened the windows first, examined the child carefully and asked me to keep hot water bottles on both sides of the child. He gave some gray powder just to console me. (He told me this later, when Gurudutt recovered). He also told us to keep a watch on the child. We sat near the child by turns. By God’s grace the critical period was over. He uttered “Amma”. I gave him water from a spoon which he drank slowly. From a distance, I could hear a Shloka from “Manache Shlok” of Samarth Ramdas sung by someone by our house on the roads:
Who is most happy in this world?
Ask your own mind to find out.
Oh mind, it is you who are responsible for whatever you now suffer.
How these words appealed to me! My father had sent me the book of “Manache Shlok” when I was in Secunderabad, along with the book “Paramarth Sadan”. I had preserved these books like a treasure.

The Crisis
Guru Dutt had become extremely weak. Only his black curly hair and big eyes were still prominent in him. I used to feel frightened to look at him at nights. Although the crisis was over Dr. Anand’s man warned that he should be treated for his bad liver which was due to the strong medicines the Vaidya had given him. Some people said that Guru fell ill because the spirit of a man who had died by falling in the well had come upon him. So, we called mantravadi to remove the evil spirit. He told us that the child should never be called by the name Vasant Kumar, which we had first given him. Since then ‘Gurudutt’ became his permanent name.
Gradually, Guru put on a little weight and he was out of danger. The doctor said that a change of climate would improve his health. So mother, Guru and myself bade goodbye to Bangalore forever. My husband resigned his job and went to Mangalore. During Guru’s illness, we could not meet Mahatmaji. I wrote a letter informing him of all that happened and asking him what I should do further. Previously I had asked Gandhiji secretly to allow me to join his Sabarmati Ashram. He had just smiled and had not said anything. (Perhaps he had an intuition about Guru’s illness). Before leaving Bangalore Mahatmaji wrote a postcard to me saying :-
Dear Vasanthi Devi,
Received your letter. It was God’s wish. You ought to stay where you are. Duty of a mother and wife is most important. Bring up your child in a good way, so that he would have courage and character to face life. Serve our Bharatmata. Never give up hope.
Ever yours,
Mohandas K. Gandhi.
(unfortunately this letter which I had framed and kept carefully was lost in 1955).
CHAPTER II
We reached Calcutta. My brother was extremely happy to see Guru Dutt. As usual the child soon became a pet in the house. My brother was brought up in an orthodox way by my maternal grandmother. He observed certain rules which we were forced to follow. He would perform the puja both in the morning and evening with great devotion. Guru would go and touch this or that article in the puja room. This used to disturb my brother while performing the puja. But he used to smile at his nephew and answer his questions after the puja was over. Guru would take the prasad from him with his small hands and gulp it. He too would close his eyes and sit in front of the idol when no one was nearby. My cousin Mr. Benegal was then studying art and was staying with my brother.
I remember, once we went to see a play at Madras theatres, Kajjanbai was the heroine in the play. Guru struck up friendship with some of the audience. Once a young man took him out and did not return for a long time. I was nervous and restless. I could not concentrate on the play. My brother was upset. He scolded me for being lenient with strangers. However, the person who took Guru Dutt returned with a packet full of chocolates, sweets, and Guru Dutt’s favourite top! I need hardly say I felt considerably relieved.
Guru liked to play with the top. He would whip it on the ground and get it on his palm easily. There was a small garden and the landlord’s pup used to play there. The whole of an afternoon Guru would play with the pup, his top and marbles. He made friends also with the neighbouring children who were older than him.
The change of climate improved Guru’s health. My brother had bought a sailor’s suit for him, which he wore and would salute all of us proudly like a soldier. My cousin took a few snaps of Guru along with the pup with which he used to play.
I was not sure of any long stay in Calcutta. My husband was forcing me to return as early as possible. But he was still to get a job. Instead of becoming anxious to join him, I prayed to God to make my holiday here last longer.
My brother used to take us all to the Botanical Garden, Victoria Memorial etc. whenever he had time. At that time women had to go by closed horse-cart. We hardly saw any middle-class or upper middle class ladies on the road. Within five years a great change in social activities had taken place.
In Madras
By November end, I had a wire from my husband asking me to return along with Guru Dutt. Mother stayed back. We had a reliable escort upto Madras. That was the first time I took Guru Dutt along. Only occasionally, I used to look after him. So, it was an ordeal for me to handle the mischievous child. At times he would be stubborn. He would never listen to what I told him. I had no patience. I used to spank him. He never cried loudly. Only I could see tears rolling down his cheeks. Then, I had to repent for my harshness.
At Madras, I got the news that another cousin of mine had come from Hyderabad with his wife and children to attend the Congress session, which was being held there. Somehow I managed to find out where they were staying and I went and met them. Both the husband and wife became attached to me. Guru Dutt was happy to get new playmates. They had three children. I stayed there for three days and then proceeded to Kasargod (South Kanara) where I put up with my nephew there.
Just then, the post of the Manager of the Sadananda Cooperative Printing Press - the first ever Cooperative Printing Press in the whole of Asia - fell vacant, and my nephew at Mangalore, the oldest of all my nephews, managed to get my husband appointed to this post. So we went to Managlore.
The Kannada Weekly “Rashtrabandhhu” edited by Kadengodu Shankar Bhat, the well-known Kannada poet, was being printed then. I had started writing short stories when I was at Bangalore itself. Mrs. Kalyanamma, the editor of “Saraswathi” had encouraged me to write. That magazine was meant specially for women and dealt with their problems. So, I started writing for the magazine section of “Rashtrabandhu”.
At this time, my nephew was living in his house all by himself and his little son, as his wife was undergoing treatment at Bangalore for a prolonged illness. So he asked us to come and live in his house which we gladly did.
Opposite the house was the headquarters of the “Shankar Vithal” Bus Company, where my brother-in-law (my husband’s elder brother) was the Manager. Guru Dutt made friends with all the drivers and cleaners and spent his time mostly with them. Sometimes the drivers would take Guru on their bus for pretty long distances. Guru liked to watch the repairs of the buses and help the workers by giving them tools with his tiny hands and watch them driving off. As soon as he came home, he would give a full description of all that he saw and did. My nephew’s son Prabhashankar, who was two years older than Guru Dutt, used to play with him, teach him nursery rhymes etc. He was an extremely mischievous child. Sometimes, he would take Guru inside the room and beat him for no reason. Sometimes he would tell him stories of birds, animals, etc. Thus, Guru developed an eagerness to listen to stories. I had to tell him tales from ‘Panchtantra’ every night.
In the evenings, Guru would wash, change his dress, bow his head before the idol and repeat the rhymes taught to him. He would count upto 100 and utter a few devotional stotras and then take his food. Every day he had to come home from the compound outside before getting dark. That was my order to him.
My nephew was a professor of chemistry in a prominent college at Mangalore. He was a talented person, greatly interested in music and literature. He played the harmonium. I got my knowledge of classical music from him. Sometimes my husband and he had long discussions on different subjects. Guru’ father also was very good in English. Shakespeare was his favourite poet. He would read aloud from his Works and explain those plays to me. I was longing to learn English. I did translations or made sentences in English, and he would correct them if he was in the proper moods. But these ocasions were rare. His short temper confused me, and I would stop learning.

1928. Guru was now three years old. My nephew used to take us to his college to listen to the radio programme from Bombay. That was the first radio set in the whole of Mangalore then. How thrilled we all were to listen to programmes from Bombay! We could not listen properly, because of the atmosphere, yet it was most amazing. I gained a lot of knowledge of Kannada literature too from my nephew during our stay with him. When his wife returned from Bangalore, cured after her long illness, we shifted to a house near the jail premises.
Guru Dutt was fascinated at the sight of prisoners with handcuffs and a string tied to their waist. Sometimes we could hear their shrill cries when they were caned or tortured. Guru would put his fingers to his ears, come to me and hug me saying “Ma, how cruel are the police? Why do they beat those thieves?”
Guru became friendly with the goldsmith’s son who stayed next door. His old grandmother died. Gurudutt never knew fear. He went and stood there and watched the last ceremonies and the body taken away on a stretcher. I used to be frightened at night after this for a few days but Guru was never scared.
I started teaching him his first three R’s. He loved to learn. I used to take long walks with him in the evenings. He would ask thousands of questions about everything he saw on the way. He would repeat his questions until he was satisfied with the answers. My knowledge was limited, I tried my best to make him understand things, using my commonsense.
Money Problems
During May 1928, I received a letter from Papa from Bombay after a long time. We used to correspond sometimes. He wrote to me, “you must be brave to face life’s trifles. Bring up Guru Dutt giving him full scope to develop mentally as well as physically, and always trust in God”. Whoever dreamt that it was to be his last letter to me? I heard from someone else that Papa’s health was precarious. He had not mentioned this in his letter. I wished to meet my father! We were always short of money, and my husband would never allow me to go. So I had to suppress my desire to go and see my father. A few days later we received a wire from Bombay informing us that Papa breathed his last due to a heart attack. It was a pity that none of his kith and kin was near him at the time. He died at the J.J. Hospital. The shock was too much for me. I wept silently for days together. I prayed for his soul. In whom will I confide my sorrows? My husband and I had hardly any understanding or intimacy between us. He was absorbed in his own world. My life was meant only to do the duties of a mother and a wife....
Once again he left his job. I was expecting our second child. Guru was now four years. I even had to hide my tears from Guru Dutt. He knew if I was sad. He would hug me and try to please me with his sweet talk. My children have been my only consolation in life.
I had to write to my brother who was at Ahmedabad. He had a job as the Weaving Master in a cloth mill. His salary was meagre. My uncle was insane. My aunt (who had adopted my brother) was also there. My sister-in-law was ill. Yet, he sent me some money to go to Ahmedabad. I packed up our things, kept them at my cousin sister’s place, and we started for Ahmedabad in the month of September. The bus journey upto Hubli was tedious. I had my morning sickness too. My maternal cousin was at Dharwar. They were rich and had a large joint family. We were given a good welcome. I took Gurudutt to Sri Siddharood Swamiji. He was a much revered saint. He only uttered ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. I asked him humbly to bless Gurudutt. He kept his hand on his head and smiled. We stayed at Dharwar for a week and then proceeded to Bombay.
My paternal aunt was staying at Khar. She was very happy to see me. (She helped me to the last by sending clothes for us all). Her eldest son, Sunder, had tears in his eyes when he saw me. He remembered my sister who was engaged to him. They loved each other deeply. Unfortunately, she died at the age of fourteen. I lost two of my elder brothers too at that time. I also became seriously ill and was taken to the Gokuldas hospital. There was no hope of my surviving. I was in the hospital for three months. The doctor who was treating me said that even if I survived I would be abnormal and lose one of my senses. But, I had God’s mercy and the blessings of my elders. I got through the sickness.
At Ahmedabad, I was not at all happy. Due to my uncle’s insanity none could sleep well at night. My brother used to beat him whenever he became violent. These things hurt Gurudutt’s tender mind. He would keep awake and cry silently. My husband refused to take up any job. He wanted a high salary. He was intelligent, but he was proud. He would never take the advice of others. When I was completing the eighth month of my pregnancy, my brother asked us to go away, as he was unable to bear our responsibilities any more.
Gurudutt meanwhile had made friends with some medical students of the neighbourhood. He loved kites and balloons. Those students would take Guru to their rooms, buy him toys and sweets and generally entertain him. Guru picked up a few Gujarati words.
For Calcutta
In December, 1928 we left Ahmedabad for Calcutta by force of circumstances. Several times, my brother had tried to secure a job for my husband at Ahmedabad, but he had refused to accept any. The medical students felt sad at our parting. They brought snacksfor Gurudutt, and gave me Rs.25/-, telling me I could return it whenever it was convenient for me. My brother had bought the tickets, but I had no cash in hand. God sends help through some means or other. This is my personal experience. On the way, we had a difficult time due to the biting cold. We hadn’t enough clothes to wear. Somehow, we reached Calcutta.
My husband disliked Calcutta. But Fate has its own ways. We were compelled to stay in Calcutta for many years. At Calcutta after a month, my husband got a salesman’s job. My second baby boy was born in “Chitaranjan Seva Sadan.” Guru was very happy to get a brother. He would sit close to the baby and ask me many questions. He now stopped playing outside all the time. He would help me cradle the baby. He loved children. It was a great pleasure to him to watch the baby’s activities.
He had our one room home at Chandra Madhav Road. My Secunderabad cousin stayed upstairs. There was a huge park in front of the building. Guru would go to the park with his cousins early in the mornings and in the evenings. One Bengali gentleman who loved children taught them verses from Rabindranath Tagore. He used to teach them also various games and entertain them in other ways. My baby was named “Shashidhar”. He was smart, active and good looking. Upto seven months he was hale and hearty. During teething time the baby had convulsions without fever. We at home were inexperienced. It was too late when my cousin look the baby to Shambhunath Hospital. The child passed away soon after. Gurudutt was shocked He had high fever for a few days.
A month previous to this sad event, Guru had been admitted to a Municipal Hindi School. His father disliked Bengali schools. How excited Gurudutt was the first day he went to school! He returned home with a “Tilak” of sandalwood paste on his forehead. He threw his bag and hugged me and told me all about the school. Being sensitive he disliked the teacher’s rudeness towards children. So, Guru lost interest in his school. He would refuse to go to school again.
After baby Shashidhar’s death, we shifted to Paddapukur Road. Guru was saved from going to the Municipal School. I used to teach him at home.
1929 April: Every year, the Bengali “First Baishak Fair” was held at Paddapukur Road. People came to buy among other things various handmade toys of the villagers. There were various kinds of entertainments too. Gurudutt took delight in the mela. They staged plays, music, mimicry, etc. Gurudutt used to force me to take him there. I had to suppress my sorrow for my lost child, otherwise Guru would be silent, refuse his food and begin to shed tears.
Once, he put his fingers on the kitchen stove which had been put off only a few seconds before. He loved red colour. The red burner had attracted him. He just shouted ‘Ma’, when I rushed to him. He had blisters on his four fingers.
A new English school was started close to our house by a few South Indians. (This school later on became a High School. In the beginning there were only four students. Gradually the number increased and Gurudutt as well as his younger brother Atma went to this School. Guru appeared for his Matriculation examination from this same School.)
Gurudutt liked this school. He took active part in cricket, football and swimming and won several prizes in his secondary school classes.
In 1930 Atmaram was born. Once again Gurudutt was very happy to have a brother. After school hours, he would sit besides the baby and watch him. We stayed in this house for five years. Besides our house there was a huge open space, where Bengali Jatras were performed. These Jatras are like dramas without stage. They played themes from Ramayana and Mahabharat. Men used to take women’s part too then. The Jatra used to go on for the whole night. Guru would never miss the Jatra. By this time he could speak and understand Bengali. Sometimes, he used to imitate the actors in front of his younger brother making all sorts of gestures…. The child used to giggle and Gurudutt felt considerably elated at this. He would put powder on his face as make-up, wear a small piece of cloth like a dhoti or a saree, and speak, sing and act. He had a good voice. His childhood pranks made us all happy.
CHAPTER III
In 1932, Gurudutt got a baby sister. He looked after Atmaram when I was in the hospital. When I came home along with the baby girl, he was so excited, that he called his playmates to see the tiny baby. As usual he became friendly with one Mr Rudra who stayed upstairs. He was a bachelor. He taught Guru Mathematics and bought story books for him. He pleaded with us to send Gurudutt along with him during the holidays to Darjeeling! But every time his father refused. Guru was an understanding child. If we told him the consequences, good and bad of such outings, he would patiently listen, although he had a stubborn nature.
When Atmaram was four-years-old, Gurudutt used to take him to the school holding his hand. We once again shifted to Ashton Road as my brother who was staying there for several years had been transferred to Burma and did not want to give up the flat. We had three rooms and a kitchen there. On the opposite side there was a Kali temple. Gurudutt would visit the temple daily. During Durga puja festival, lots of people visited the temple. Guru would never miss such an occasion, but when goats were being sacrificed, he would return home.
There was also an open space in front of our flat, where Guru and his friends of different communities would play cricket and football. One Gujarati boy, Navin Udani, was his best friend. We had engaged a Hindustani male servant who had come from his native place. Within a week, that boy started getting high fever. Gurudutt, Atmaram and Lalitha used to sit on his mat and play together. On the third day, my cousin (Benegal) visited us. He saw the signs of small-pox on the servant’s face. He shouted at me for allowing the children to sit close to the servant. He took the servant to the hospital and got him admitted there. Being an uneducated village boy, he disliked the hospital and ran away from there. We could not trace him out anywhere.
1934: There was a severe earthquake in Calcutta, Bihar was the worst affected State. Guru and Atma were playing on the ground when the wall nearly collapsed noisily. Fortunately, none of the children was hurt. The children were so frightened that they had not the courage to move. Everything was rocking. In Calcutta, we often felt mild tremors. It was terrible.
Atmaram was a quiet, well-behaved child. Even in school, he was never spanked or shouted at by teachers. But he was timid and shy. Sometimes both the brothers fought, but it was Gurudutt who got the scolding, not Atmaram. Lalitha was gentle but she was very stubborn at times. Guru loved both of them. Lalitha was his favourite even in later years.
I remember the day Guru had to undergo an operation on his right foot. He would never wear sandals. Something pricked his foot. He did not care until the whole leg became swollen and he had fever. At last his father took him to the hospital where they took out the thorn without giving him any local anaesthetic. The doctor was surprised to see the endurance of the boy. He patted Guru’s back and said, “It was a hair’s-breath escape, my dear boy. Your foot was septic. Never go barefoot outside again!” Gurudutt obeyed him, and after this incident never allowed others to go out barefoot.
My brother got a transfer back to Calcutta. Once again we were forced to hunt for a house. At that time, flats were not easily available in Calcutta. We at last got a flat consisting of one room and a kitchen in one corner, and the bath in another corner. During this time, Gurudutt became involved in bad company. It was a South Indian boy named Venkat. He was a bad boy. He stole, abused people and roamed about in the city. At home he had a step-mother, who ill treated him. The result was the boy gave vent to his hard feelings by doing unsocial deeds. He was Guru’s classmate, but he was older then Guru. Gurudutt started coming home late. If taken to task, he would answer back defiantly. This turn in his nature was a warning to me. I tried to take him into confidence, but the more I tried to do so the more he would do what I disliked.
One day, Gurudutt took 10 rupees from his father’s purse without our knowledge. When I came to know of this I scolded him and gave him a good spanking. I felt bad and did not touch food that day. I told him I would continue to do so until he promised me, on oath, that he would never do such a thing again or tell a lie, and also that he would give up Venkat’s friendship once and for all. This went to his heart. He took the oath and from that day onwards he never told a lie. He gave up that boy’s company and became his same old self again.
We were always in financial difficulties. In those days children (at least mine) never made any demands. They were contended with whatever the parents gave them. Guru’s hobby was to collect books. He was a bookworm. I collected a few coins and encouraged him to buy second hand books. He started reading books from the age of 4 years. Toys which he liked were very cheap. It was not possible for us to buy expensive toys. He loved paper kites, tops and marbles. Later he himself made kites at home. Atma would assist him in this.
In 1935 during February, I needed complete rest. Once again I had to request my Ahmedabad brother, who was now the Mill Manager, to help me. He had two children. My uncle was dead. My aunt lived at Dharwar. My youngest brother was in Calcutta. He was studying.
Stay in Bombay
We came to Bombay to my brother-in-law’s place - Matunga. One of my nephews was getting married to another relative of mine. They forced us to stay with them. My husband too joined us later.
During our stay in Bombay I had a chance to see Uday Shanker’s dance. He had come to Bombay with his troupe. I got a pass through my cousin. Gurudutt wanted to come with me. It was impossible to take him, as the pass was only for two persons. He was disappointed. He wept a lot. Uday Shanker’s Tandav, Shiv Parvati and Indra dances appealed to me most. I was happy and thanked my cousin for giving me an occasion to see such superb dances.
When I returned home, Guru did not speak to me. He did not touch his food for three days. He promised me that he would also dance on the stage one day and show me.
We left for Ahmedabad and my husband left for Calcutta after a fortnight. Gurudutt used to go to the mill along with his uncle. He would ask a number of questions about his car. He also went to the mill to see the working of the machines. He visited every department. When the car was being repaired he would go and sit and watch it. He was interested in every kind of work although he was not very promising or bright in his studies. He was an average boy. It was my ambition that he should stand first in his class and get merit scholarships. He had a remarkable memory. Besides school books, he would read classics, dramas, poetry etc.
When we were in Ahmedabad my brother teased me saying that I did not write stories of my own. It was my husband who actually wrote them and they were published in my name. I was a sensitive person. I knew nothing about time. But I took a challenge and wrote a story ‘Jawani Ki Hawa’ for the films and showed it to him. While returning to Calcutta, we halted at Bombay. My brother gave an introduction letter to his friend one Mr Puthli, who was a friend of Chandulal Shah of Ranjit Studios. I somehow managed to meet Chaturbhuji Doshi and Chandulal along with Mr Puthli. They accepted my story. Gurudutt also was with me. We saw the shooting of a film for the first time. Miss Gohar featured in the film. She was the big star in those days.
During out stay in Bombay, I got also a chance to listen to Abdul Karim Khan and Hirabai Barodekar from close quarters. I love classical music. At that time there was no mike, or perhaps it was not used by prominent artistes. My Bombay trip was very exhilarating. We returned to Calcutta and stayed along with a relative until we secured a flat. My story was no doubt, accepted, but Kolhapur Movietone wanted me to make it short. I rewrote it and sent it on to them, but I never got a reply from them. I felt I should stop sending them reminders.
At Bholia Mansions, we had three rooms. It was an independent flat. Navin, Guru’s friend, used to stay on the second floor. Gurudutt was happy to shift to this flat.
I realised that I should start earning though I had not enough knowledge of English. My confidence in myself pushed me forward to get a good grounding in all the languages. I took to teaching, to earn something. My first students were Navin’s sister-in-law and aunt. They paid me Rs. 5/- each. What a joy it was to receive my first earning in life! By and by I got four tuitions.
There was one Mrs. Palekar who was a social worker. She started a Maternity Home under the guidance of Ramkrishna Mission. This was called ‘Shishu Mangal Prathistan’. She was a widow, and a great devotee of the Mission. She had plenty of money. (The same ‘Prathistan’ is in Bhawanipur, Lansdowne Road now. It prospered and was maintained very well, I believe.) At that time, nurses who worked in the ‘Prathistan’ had no knowledge of English. They engaged me to teach them the names of the drugs used and the instruments they handled. They paid me Rs. 15/- and the rickshaw fare.
got a few more tuitions. Among them was Mrs Bhandarkar who was a sweet girl. Most of the time, she would joke, gossip and would not learn anything. It was her husband, Mr Bhandarkar, who helped Gurudutt later on to get a scholarship to study dance at the Almora Centre.
Lalitha was admitted to the ‘Aryakanya Vidyalaya’. She disliked school. Everyday she would cry. The headmistress of that school assured me that if I passed matric privately, she would give me a job in her school.
I learnt that the Banares Hindu University allowed students to appear for the Matric exams privately, but one had to take music instead of Maths. I engaged Mr Purohit to teach me music. He played on the tabla. After the teacher left, Atma used to play on the tabla. My husband all of a sudden refused to send me to Banares to appear for the exams. I discontinued the music.
Gurudutt was in 7th standard. During this time, Mrs Palekar started medical classes. Non-matrics were allowed to appear for the LCPS Course in Campbell School of Medicine. Mrs Palekar persuaded students to undergo the course by paying them Rs. 10/- a month, as scholarship. I was tempted by this. I too joined the classes inspite of opposition at home. For six months everything went well. After that Mrs. Palekar stopped the scholarship. Those who had joined with me continued their classes. I was forced to discontinue. What a terrible blow it was to me. Among the staff, Dr Paul taught us Anatomy and Physiology. Dr. Barrat taught us Anatomy and Physiology. Dr Barrat taught us dispensing. Another old man taught us physics and chemistry. Twice I had a chance to go to Vidyasagar College for dissection.
Appearing for Matric was still haunting in my mind. In 1938 February, my fifth child was born in the same ‘Shishu Mangal Prathistan’. The other children were very happy to have a baby at home. Gurudutt could take care of the baby now. When the baby, Devidas was one-and-a-half months old, my husband became seriously ill. He was always lean and unhealthy. This time, doctors suspended it to be T.B. However it was proved that it was not T.B. He recovered after two months. Mr Benegal gave me a helping hand whenever I was in urgent need. We shifted to Mahendra Road, where the rooms were quite big and well ventilated.
In 1939, Gurudutt bought a lovely parrot and a cage. He would feed the parrot, clean the cage and try to teach him early in the morning to speak. We had engaged a servant named ‘Nando’. He had fields in his village. Gurudutt along with his cousin, Sudarshan, used to visit Nando’s village. It was a wonderful experience for him. He saw village life and folk dances. Whenever he had holidays he would go to the village. Nando helped Gurudutt in making firework materials at home, during Diwali. Guru’s interests were so many.
That year, Atmaram fell ill. He had a severe attack of Typhoid. I was working in Maharashtra Mandal, Guru and Nando took care of the children while I went to work.
Uday Shankar
Uday Shankar visited Calcutta several times. Each time Gurudutt would go and see his dance recitals through the influence of his uncle Mr Benegal, who was a commercial artist, and did publicity for Uday Shankar. We never knew that Gurudutt was studying dance by seeing Uday Shankar. Guru never missed good films too. He and Sudarshan were chums. We never mixed with the society. Our only entertainments were pictures, classical dances and Bengali plays. I had great confidence in Gurudutt that he would never go astray. Sudarshan, my nephew was studying art. They were always together.
In 1940, I took a tuition which paid well and in order to brush up my knowledge engaged an old man to teach me Elementary Maths, Geography and other subjects. A Bengali girl Miss Chatterji who had appeared for the Matric privately the previous year made friends with me. She helped me a lot. I appeared for the Matric after facing all sorts of obstructions. It was Guru who encouraged me most. He was proud of his mother. In between his school and sports he practised Shankar’s dances at his Uncle’s place. None of us knew about this.
When Guru gave a public performance along with Miss Amarjit Singh and got several prizes, then alone we came to know that he was learning dancing.
This girl started coming to our house. I never objected, as I was always broad-minded. After some time, her parents objected and Amarjit Singh never came to our house after that nor did we see her again. Gurudutt was a simpleton. He could never keep any secret from me.
One night, he came home and started vomiting. He had his first drink. He was too young to drink. A boy of 15 years. Already he was smoking bidis. Gurudutt was a problem child in spite of his qualities. I had to handle him very carefully. If anybody provoked him, he would immediately flare up. No one had any faith or confidence in him that he would be able to choose a proper career in his life. I trusted Guru. He had a short temper, no doubt, but he would soon repent if he made any mistake.
In 1941 Guru appeared for the Matric. I forced him to learn typing and get a job. He got a job in a factory. How happy and excited he was the day he got his first salary of Rs. 40/-. He bought presents for all of us, as well as for his favourite teacher. He liked cycling and wanted to buy one. He bought it on instalments. How many times he would clean it! From his salary he would keep some money for his personal expense and give the rest to me.
It was the time of Second World War. Everyone was anxious about the future. India was under British rule. Subhash Chandra Bose’s name was on everyone’s lips. The freedom fight was going on in full swing.
On May 6th, 1941, my last child was born in Mrs. Indira’s Maternity Home. (She was my colleague when I was studying medicine). The baby was named Vijay by Gurudutt because it was the time when Hitler captured Italy. So, Guru felt that ‘Vijay’ would be the proper name for the baby.
The war and rumours of bombing made us all panicky. My sister-in-law was in the Jadhavpur Hospital. I was working at Mrs Sowdamini Mehta’s (Mr G.L. Mehta’s) School. She was supposed to be a great social worker. But she did not pay me any salary for my confinement period although I had worked in her school until I had completed the eighth month of my pregnancy.
The school was situated in Bentinck Street. I had to change the tram twice to reach the school. In a huge room, different classes were held in the school.
At about the end of November, we got the news that the Japanese would disrupt our water supplies and bomb the civilians. Marwaris were already rushing to their native place. What a period of turmoil and confusion it was. Gurudutt refused to leave Calcutta. His office was in Calcutta. He loved adventures. He wanted to face the war in case it came to Calcutta. We had no place to go to. At Kanhangad which was in South Kanara, but now in Kerala, my husband’s elder brother had his Ashram called ‘Anandashram’. He had renounced the world in 1922 and taken to Sanyas. I was a great admirer of Ramdas, the name by which he was known after taking Sanyas. My mother, four children and myself started for Madras along with my cousin’s wife and her children.
The rush in the train was so much that the children had to jump inside the train from the windows in order to enter it. To reach Madras, we had to spend two nights and a day. It was a most excruciating journey. Everyone was panicky. No one knew what would happen the next moment. Our kith and kin we had left behind and their destiny was unknown. Only my faith in God gave me a little peace of mind. When we reached Madras the atmosphere was gloomy. Trenches were being dug everywhere. We could see Indian soldiers, with rifles and helmets. Even now, I shudder to think of those days.
At last, we reached the Ashram at Kanhangad on the west coast. We did not get a warm welcome which I expected. But we had no choice. I taught in the Ashram School, translated Ramdas’s letters into various languages as required by him and was generally helpful in the Ashram. Whatever money I got from my husband, I handed over to Mataji (mother) Krishnabai who handled the Ashram expenses. Hundreds of rich Gujarati families were devotees of Swami Ramdas and so the Ashram had enough of funds. Our contribution was very small, and there were many people whom the Ashram fed.
Dance Centre
In Calcutta, Gurudutt, got a Scholarship of Rs. 75/- to go and study dance at Uday Shankar’s Dance Centre at Almora through the efforts of Mr Benegal, Mr Hemmadi and Mr Bhandarkar. He left for Almora and I thanked God for it. My husband’s office (Burmah-Shell) was transferred to Bombay. He was in the head office. What a relief it was to me! Calcutta was bombed, and it seems one of the bombs fell just behind our premises there killing several people. All our furniture, precious books, utensils, everything had been left at Calcutta.
I was criticised by the Ashramites for sending Gurudutt to Uday Shankar’s Almora Dance Centre. People those days had great contempt for dance, stage and films. They looked down on art of any kind. I kept quiet. Sometimes I felt nervous as I did not know what Gurudutt’s future would be. Those who helped him to join the Centre, had high hopes of him. They wanted Guru to shine in his life. At that time, Uday Shankar’s dance Centre was at the peak of success and popularity.
The climate at Almora was superb, and so was the atmosphere in the Centre. Famous artistes like Allauddin Khan, his son Ali Akbar, Ravi Shankar, Shanthi Burdan, Kathakali exponents Guru Shankaran Nair, Simki etc., were all there. For each type of Dance well-known Gurus were appointed. Manipuri, Bharata Natyam, Kathak were all taught there. Uday Shankar had a vast knowledge of dance, both Indian and Western and he used to compose his own styles of dances. The whole unit had cooperation, understanding and the spirit of unity. It was like a huge joint family where there was no caste or creed. The students had to maintain strict discipline. They had to do Yoga exercises. They had to create their own Dance themes. They had to stitch their own costumes, put on make-up themselves, and do all the necessary work on the stage. Self discipline, self reliance was the main object. So Guru got a good foundation, especially at that adolescent stage. Everyone liked him. He was the youngest student there. Uday Shankar treated him as his own son. He was his pet. Guru too had the highest regard for his Guru.
He wrote to me every week, and the letters took seven days to reach me. In the Ashram I was all the time thinking of him. That was the first time when we were separated from each other.
Gurudutt’s letters were full of details of all that was taking place there. I could visualise everything from his letters. Sometimes he would ask me for recipies. He cooked his own food. (It was a hobby of his even in later years.) Guru felt our separation very much, although he was busy with his own work and was happy.
Here, at the Ashram Swami Ramdas treated us well. He would play with Vijay, my youngest son as he loved children very much. There were bhajans twice a day. Many devotees came from Bombay. They would bring new clothes, fruits, sweets, etc. But, we could not do so. This hurt me. Mataji was generous, kind and good-hearted. But she had a bad temper and she believed others’ tales. There were all sorts of people in the Ashram. Some felt jealous of our long stay. I used to bring books and papers to read from the Ashram library. Some people objected. I could not follow the blind faith of others. They would do pranam every time they saw Mataji or Swami Ramdas. They would wait to get the food remaining from Mataji and Ramdas’s plates. I have been always straightforward.
Atmaram could not continue his studies at Kanhangad. There was no school of his standard there. At last, I sent him to my niece’s place at Mangalore to stay with great difficulty. He joined the school Lalli used to attend, the Harijan School. Devi was at home, he was mischievous.
One day, he along with Rajani, a girl of his age (3) did some mischief and Mataji gave them a severe punishment. She made them stand in the hot sun where all the filth used to accumulate. I was very angry for this rudeness. Already I was frustrated and feeling like leaving the ashram. I had applied for a teacher’s post in Mangalore. It was a question of starting a home with four children, mother and myself. My letters were censored in the Ashram. Mataji was suspicious by nature. Once she abused me in front of many visitors and said that I did not want to join my husband. Instead, I wanted to live separate. I could not tolerate her taunts and insults. Because my husband’s salary was insufficient, he was hesitating to take the family to Bombay.
esperately, I decided to stay at Wardha, where Gandhiji had his ashram. I could work there in the school. So, we started on the 9th August 1942. It was the day of “Do or Die” agitation. We were not allowed to proceed further at Chickmagalore as it was the hartal day. After appealing to the volunteers they allowed the bus to go. We had to change at Hubli as well as at Poona to come to Bombay. At Poona we could get the connection train. So, we had to stay at Poona in the home of a distant relative. My niece was also with me. She was going to join her husband in Bombay. The next morning, we started for Bombay from Poona.
At Dadar, my husband had not come to receive us. In a hurry to get down from the train, I left my trunk in the train. It was full of children’s dresses and a few ornaments of Lalitha. My niece’s husband at once took the local train to VT and somehow got my trunk from the lost property room. I was thankful to him. They left for their destination. My husband had taken leave to receive us, but he was too lazy to come to the station.
My nephew’s wife (Swami Ramdas’s daughter) had gone to the Ashram for confinement. So we stayed at their place for two weeks. I was new to Bombay. I started hunting for a flat. As it was war time the Australian soldiers were having a free time in Bombay People were fleeing from Bombay and many beautiful flats were vacant. We could see “To let” boards everywhere. At last we got a three room flat. We shifted to the flat, which was a little away from the main road.
My first task was to get Atma and Lalitha admitted to school. I started looking for a job. I had no testimonials or certificates of previous experience. In every school, I had to hear insults as I had neither a recommendation nor any testimonials. Fortunately, within two weeks, I got a decent tuition at Mr Naha’s place. I was happy that I got a chance to speak in Bengali. The boy was bright. I liked this tuition.
1942 December: Almora had snowfall. So, the centre was closed. The troup came to Bombay. How happy I was to see Gurudutt after one year! He looked handsome, charming with his long hair. He was a youth of seventeen years. We both had tears of joy in our eyes. All the brothers as well as his sister surrounded him and would not allow him to speak to me. He had no permsision to stay at home until their shows were over. Guru stayed at home for two days and left to join the troup.
How excited and thrilled I was to see Gurudutt’s Swan Dance! It was composed and choreographed by Guru himself. His partner was an UP girl, named Rani. The audience greeted the dance with applause. Other dances too were equally good, performed by the students. I got a second chance to see Uday Shankar’s Tandav along with his partner Simki, as well as his other well-known performances. Mr Vishandas Shirali (the Music director) played Tabla tarang. Those Sanskrit verses (slokas) were inspiring. The ancient drums, the costumes of those times, the headgear (Kirit) etc., moved me so much that it was like heavenly bliss. Uday Shankar’s new venture was the Ram-Leela shadow play. This was an open air show. It was impressive and beautiful. Sachin Shankar (Uday’s cousin) was Rama, and Guru was Lakshman. Sita was one of the students. Simki did Kaikayi as well as Tataka. This show was meant mostly for the ordinary masses. Later, the troup toured Gujarat, UP and Maharashtra upto 1943 March.
Guru was very helpful to me during his stay at home. I got a teacher’s job at Sitaram Poddar School, which was far away from Matunga. Guru used to look after Vijay, cook in the evenings as I had taken a tuition at Walkeshwar and was returning late in the evenings. Vijay was two years old. He was trying to utter a few words. He could walk a little. Guru could never sit idle. He would bring books on classical dances, art and literature and study them. He had a fine taste and good knowledge in various subjects.
We used to discuss about our future and exchange ideas mostly in the nights. That was the only time we spoke, as I was working during the day. Gurudutt would describe graphically to us his experiences as Almora and at the Centre. How soon the end of March came! Gurudutt had to return to Almora. We engaged an elderly lady as a cook, and to look after Vijay.
I felt lonely and missed Guru. How could he stay there for long? He had still to complete four more years there. I used to send him Rs. 5/- every month as his pocket money. His Scholarship was insufficient for his personal expenses, Almora being an expensive hill station he could not also earn by any other means. How happy and thankful he used to be to get even the paltry sum of Rs. 5/-. In later years, he earned lakhs but, he used to say that those Rs. 5/- I used to send to him were more precious than all his later earnings.
In 1944 the ration scheme came into force. Before, it had been difficult to get the necessary commodities. The war was on. Life was uncertain. At Sitaram Poddar School, one Mrs Chari who was the Principal was very strict in her work. Otherwise, she would treat all the teachers as friends. She would fight with the committee for the good of the teachers. So, she became unpopular with the school authorities. She was a communist. She would supply rice, sugar and wheat to all the teachers. Before rationing was introduced, people could not get these things in the open market. The rumours about war were threatening. I had decided that even if evacuation took place, we would not step out of Bombay. We had bitter experiences of going from place to place. Guru regularly wrote letters. Life in Bombay was difficult, but I never used to write about this to Gurudutt. In the Centre unnecessary misunderstandings seem to have taken place between Uday Shankar and Simki, when Amla joined the centre. Guru used to inform me of everything taking place there.
Guru Returns
In 1944, once again during the winter the troup visited Bombay with many new and original dance performances. But the students had lost their former zeal and enthusiasm. During this time, Gurudutt used to go to Sushila Rani’s (Mrs Baburao Patel) often. Her sister Sumathi was Gurudutt’s classmate at the centre. She was older than him. They all liked Gurudutt. His sincerity and affectionate nature was liked by all of them. They were three sisters but had no brother. So, they treated Guru as a brother. Sushila was working with Baburao Patel as his secretary then. He started his picture Draupadi in which Sushila was the heroine. Gradually, Sushila and Baburao fell in love. There was a big difference between their ages. They got married. Mr Patel never liked or cared for the criticism of others. He had a way of his own.
I remember the day we went to see Ramrajya. In those days there was no queue system or order. We al had to buy tickets by paying double rates. We had to rush inside like a flock of sheep, to get a seat. We sat on the second row with great difficulty, very close to the screen. The picture was superb. Gurudutt went to good movies. The rates were low. He and I went mostly together. He used to note down whatever he saw and show it to me. His sharp memory and keen observations perhaps helped him greatly in later life.
Once again, Gurudutt returned to Almora, but within a few months we had the news that the centre was to be closed as the funds from abroad had stopped. Uday Shankar married Amala and Simki married Prabhat, one of the students. One evening Guru returned with three of his colleagues with bag and baggage. Uday Shankar too came. I went and met him. He didn’t want to lose Gurudutt. He persuaded me to spare Guru for him but I refused. We were all keenly disappointed at the turn of events. The poor students did not know what they would do in future. They were all depressed. Anandi, Moni and Ghanashyam were at our place for two months. K.K. Shetty started his dance classes. Ravi Shankar, Shanthi Burdan Abani and many other artists took a flat at Borivili and started a new life. They started the I.N.T. groupp and gave many dance performances. The best was their Discovery of India based on the book written by Jawaharlal Nehru. This dance drama was a great success.
CHAPTER IV
Gurudutt did not want to take up any job other thanone in the artistic line. At last my cousin and artist, Mr Benegal, introduced Gurudutt to Mr Baburao Pai who was a partner in Prabhat Pictures, Poona. Mr Pai was Benegal’s friend. Immediately he appointed Gurudutt as a Dance Director in the Film Company on a three year’s contract.
It was a great relief to me. I was worried and depressed about Gurudutt’s future until he got this job. Relatives got a chance to criticise us. So Gurudutt took to the cinema as a profession and thus his whole life changed.
Gurudutt was happy to get the job. After some time Dev Anand too joined Prabhat. Dev was four years older than Gurudutt. He came from a good family. He was a graduate and a cultured person. Gurudutt and Dev became very friendly. Guru was a favourite of everybody at Prabhat Studios. He was given a chance to act in Lakharani in 1945. He had a small role in Chand. In Hum Ek Hai, Dev, Gurudutt and Resham acted together. Sapru also was in this film. P.L. Santoshi directed this picture. Gurudutt was the dance director as well as an assistant to P.L. Santoshi.
eing a dance director, Guru came into contact with Manju and her sister Vijaya. This girl Vijaya became very friendly with Gurudutt. I visited Guru often, but I did not have any inkling of the things.
During Ganesh Puja, Gurudutt gave us a surprise visit. He came along with Vijaya just when the puja was going on. They both came and touched my feet. Gurudutt introduced her to me as my future daughter-in-law. I was happy to hear this. I wanted Guru to marry soon. We all treated her as a family member.
They left Bombay the same evening. I was building castles in the air.
Next morning I received a wire from Mr Khajigiwala, a prominent advocate of Poona, saying that Gurudutt had eloped with Vijaya and he would take legal action against him. I could not believe this. I started for Poona by the night train as I had school work during the day. Gurudutt was in the studio. I went to his hostel. His room was locked. I asked the servant to get two chairs for me to lie down. I waited for Gurudutt. He returned from the shooting at 5 a.m. He was surprised to see me there at that time. As usual, he gave me a broad smile. I showed him the wire. I was boiling with rage. He smiled and said, “Ma why are you so upset? That Khajigiwala is not to be trusted. He is threatening you all. He cannot do any harm to me.” I always trusted Guru. He was very close to me. I had to return the very next day to do my work in the school.
Mrs Khajigiwala visited us several times to get our permission for Guru’s and Vijaya’s wedding. Gurudutt being underage, parent’s consent was essential. Later it was rumoured that Vijaya was Khajigiwala’s mistress. His wife was jealous and wanted to separate Vijaya from her husband. She played all sorts of tricks to persuade us to consent to the marriage but my faith in God always protected us.
One Mr Ananth Rao who was friendly with Gurudutt came to our rescue. The wedding date was fixed and announced in a Marathi daily paper without the parents’ permission. Mr Ananth Rao advised me to take Gurudutt to Bombay immediately. Somehow the crisis was over. Everything cooled down. But I was always feeling scared about Gurudutt’s life. I was afraid that Mr Khajigiwala might take his revenge against Gurudutt some day. He was an influential person.
I thought, that it was better if Guru got married to somebody to save him from further such calamities. So I chose my Hyderabad cousin’s daughter for him. He too saw the girl and agreed to marry her. She was dark complexioned and a year younger than Guru. But,she was like him, affectionate and gentle.
The parents came to Bombay along with the girl to fix the date of marriage. On their way they stayed at Poona. Gurudutt had shifted to Vimla Vasist’s flat. Both Guru and Suvarna the girl, were writing letters to each other. Suddenly, they stopped all correspondence and connections with us, and fixed the girl’s marriage with another boy. Later on I found out the reason.
Gurudutt was always sincere and frank. He admitted whatever faults he had. I believe, he wrote to his uncle, Suvarna’s father, all that happened in the past, to avoid misunderstandings after marriage. Perhaps they lost confidence in Gurudutt. We had that black spot of filmline, as its reputation was bad at that time.
This incident hurt Gurudutt much. He never showed his feelings to anybody. But I could make it out. The disappointment was too much for both of us.
Meanwhile, I thought that it would be better if Gurudutt stayed with us. I met Mr Baburao Pai in person and told him all that had happened and requested him to bring Guru to Bombay as he had started his own concern. Prabhat’s contract was over. He agreed and asked Gurudutt to join him.


Prabhat Studios
Gurudutt worked under Mr Banerjee as an assistant director. At Prabhat, Vishram Bedekar had given him a chance to assist him, when he found out Gurudutt’s interest and ability in direction. Mr Pai knew this. Unfortunately, this picture Mohan did not get a release, probably for political reasons. Gurudutt knocked at many studios to get a chance by meeting several well-known producers. He even went to Madras to Gemini Studios and others. During this period of struggle and stress he wrote the Pyaasa story. It was mostly his own experience. Its original name ‘was Kashmakash which was changed later to Pyaasa.
Atmaram was in Calcutta. He had finished his Senior Cambridge examination. He got high marks in it. His old School (St. Lawrence School) Principal, who had high impression about him advised him to join their College for 2nd year Science. Those who got 1st Class had to return to Bombay, as the riots in Calcutta were taking a heavy toll of human life. My cousin (Benegal) stayed in a Muslim area. He did not want to keep Atmaram there and take the risk. So, he sent him back to Bombay.
We had a very tough time. Guru was without a job for ten months. Atmaram could not continue his studies. His education had forcibly come to a stop. He was desperate too. He took a job at ‘Free Press’ as journalist. He had to work in other places too as a part-time worker to make both ends meet.
At last Amiya Chakravorthy gave a chance to Gurudutt to work under him as an assistant director. The film was Girls School. After this, he joined Gyan Mukherjee who had started the picture Sangram as an assistant. Gurudutt under Gyan Mukherjee gained a lot of knowledge of the film industry. He had great admiration for Mr Mukherjee.
Soon after, Dev Anand offered him a chance to work in Navketan as a director. When both of them were staying together in Poona they had promised each other that whoever got a chance first should help the other. Dev kept his promise. He had become a successful actor and had started ‘Navketan’ productions along with his brother Chetan. Chetan had no confidence in Gurudutt. Dev was firm about his promise and gave a chance to Gurudutt. Thus Gurudutt’s real career started.
CHAPTER V
Gurudutt often had misunderstandings with Chetan, but Dev always took Guru’s side. Once it so happened that Guru was about to resign, but Dev prevented him from doing so and thus Baazi Guru’s first picture started. S.D. Burman gave music. Balraj Sahni, wrote the script. Geeta Roy and Mohammad Rafi were the playback singers. Geeta took the second place.
On the muhurat day, Geeta sang her first song ‘Tadbeerse bigdi hui tagdir banade...’. I remember that day which left a deep impress on my mind. Her sweet voice remained like a haunting tune. She started coming to our place. What an excitement that was to us as well as the others at home. Lalitha became at once very friendly with her. We used to escort her back home whenever she came to our place. Every time she came I used to ask her to sing Bengali songs. Both Guru and I had a deep attachment for the Bengali language as well as the Bengali people. Geeta would sometimes help me in the kitchen. She won our hearts by her charm and behaviour.
By and by Guru and Geeta came closer to each other. He would ask Geeta to sing the song ‘Tumi jodi bolo bhalo bhasha dite janona...’. Lalitha helped them exchange love-letters. They took her wherever they went. Her people did not know anything about their meetings, she would say to us.
In 1951, Baazi was released and Gurudutt was recognised as a good director. Both Dev Anand and Geeta Bali acted very well in this film. Gurudutt did not like my working in school. He said, “you have toiled and sacrificed enough for us. It is time for you to retire,” So, I left my job.
Gurudutt wanted to marry Geeta. He put the proposal before her parents when they came to know about their affair. They just put off the matter for full two years. Once Guru was furious when he heard that Geeta had another friend too who was a Bengali. I can recollect the incident clearly. It was a rainy day. Gurudutt took Geeta to Haji Malang. It is the tomb of a saint on a high hill near Kalyan, a place thirty miles away from Bombay. People believed that if a person prays there, his wishes will be fulfilled. I believe Gurudutt asked Geeta to make up her mind either to choose him or the Bengali boy and not to play with his sentiments. She chose Gurudutt.
Atmaram too had a friend. She was his classmate as well as a Bharatnatyam dancer. She was a Saraswat. Atma used to accompany her whenever she had to give a dance performance.
I was worried about Lalitha. She was doing her commercial art. We believed that fine arts gave no scope to earn. I wanted her to be an earning person before she married someone of her choice and settled down. I had the wrong impression that only love marriages bring success and happiness in married life. When these two boys were absorbed in their friends I felt it was better if Lalitha too got married. But I had no courage to express my thoughts to anybody.
At this time we enjoyed many picnics and outings with Gurudutt, Geeta, Dev and his sisters. We were like one family.
Once we all including Mr & Mrs Burman, Raj Khosla (Gurudutt’s assistant) went to Lonavla for a picnic. We had great fun there. We went to Poona to spend the night and returned the next day to Bombay.
Geeta’s people were against the announcement of Guru and Geeta’s engagement. Gurudutt became desperate. He was stubborn. Meanwhile I went to Dharwar along with the younger children during the Diwali vacations. It was a pleasant place. Uncle had a big bungalow. I saw my uncle after nearly twenty-five years. My uncle’s daughter Damayanti who had lost her mother in childhood, became very friendly with me and Lalitha.
The negotiations of her wedding were going on. She went to their astrologer along with Lalli. Perhaps, he could find out the near future by face reading. He predicted, as soon as he saw Lalitha’s face, that she would get married soon. She showed him her palm. He said that she would discontinue her art temporarily but in later years, she would become a famous artist. Lalitha came home and told me all that he said. I was furious - Lalitha’s marriage... discontinuing her art classes... It was impossible, in my opinion.
1951: After Baazi was released Gurudutt joined Film Arts. He himself wrote the story of Jaal. The background being the Konkan scene. The unit went to Malwan. S.D. Burman had to study Goanese tunes, Jaal also was a fine picture. Mr Burman gave splendid music for it.
After Baazi, Gurudutt had many offers to direct films. Our flat was small and we could not get a better one in Matunga. It was awkward to welcome people in our small flat. So he wanted to shift to Khar, where he got a bigger flat. I did not want to leave our flat, but Gurudutt would not allow me. I was very much disturbed at this time. At last, I agreed to go and we shifted to 12th Road, Khar, but I did not give up our old flat in Matunga.
The Consent
Before shifting, Gurudutt managed to get the consent of Geeta’s people for the engagement ceremony. We performed the engagement on a grand scale at Poddar College, Matunga. Lalitha had a proposal from one of my mother’s relatives, Mr Gopalkrishna Lajmi, who was a Captain in the Merchant Navy. All his relatives had a good opinion about our family. Moreover, Mr Lajmi was Atma’s close friend, but he never came to our house, nor did we know about their friendship. So the engagement was fixed. Lalli was hesitant. She ultimately consented to marry him. This engagement too was performed at Palamkote Hall.
Gurudutt’s financial position was not too good then but he never failed in his duties towards the family. Lalitha was his pet. He would buy something or the other every month for her. He kept some money with her secretly for emergency lest I might spend it!
After shifting to Khar, he started his own company in partnership with Geeta Bali’s sister: H.G. Films. This time he had to choose the background of the film on (Portuguese) Goa. As the big actors had problems of dates, Guru himself acted along with Geeta Bali. Thus his acting career began. He was nervous at first. But he had the confidence that he would succeed. The picture flopped, but the music was a hit. Gradually, Gurudutt slipped away from me. He was all the time busy with his work. We hardly had any occasion to sit quietly and talk. I felt this very much. But due to the circumstances of his work, I hadn’t the courage to ask him.
At times, both Gurudutt and Geeta used to have misunderstandings and she would not visit us for days together. Gurudutt would get upset. He would come home late at night, worried and disturbed in mind. He never spoke to anybody. His father and Atma were staying at our old flat in Matunga. I used to send them their meals from Khar. Atmaram had joined Gurudutt.
Gurudutt had a short temper. He would flare up very fast. If no one answered back or tried to make things clearer, he would cool down within a short time and soon repent. At that time he would come close to me, tell me about his studio, work etc. Being hyper-sensitive, I could make out his feelings and he too could find out my worry or moods, from my appearance. So I had to be alert always. He was everything to me in life. I knew his weaknesses as well as virtues. I dared not open my mouth.
He knew that I was missing something. He bought a beautiful golden retriever pup and named him Tony. (The name of Dev in Jaal). He gave the pup to me and said “Ma, you feel lonely, isn’t it? Look after Tony”.
If he had any money he would spend it lavishly. He paid Rs. 300/- for the pup! I tried not to say that it was too expensive.
Devidas and Vijaya had changed their schools. They were very happy to have the pup. Devi would teach Tony how to behave. It was a beautiful, dutiful dog. He obeyed me most. We wanted Lalitha to get married in December 1952. There were financial troubles. But Gurudutt did not want to postpone the wedding. Mr Lajmi’s people also were eager. He had a shore job by then.
Those days Gurudutt spent most of his time with Geeta. Lalitha’s wedding was very close. Gurudutt Films Private Ltd. was started as H.G. Films had closed. Atma did his B.A. and also worked at Gurudutt Films. As Guru could not continue his studies, he wanted his brother to study hard. Unfortunately his younger brothers neglected their studies, ever since the glamour of film industry and film status peeped inside our house. Gurudutt took me to task whenever they neglected their studies.
I decided myself that it would be better to send the boys to a boarding school after their sister’s wedding was over. I sometimes felt that the days of our past struggle for existence were far better than the present ones.
Then a funny incident occurred. Guru brought a planchette from one of his friends. Devidas was the medium. Guru called his old friend Sumathi who had passed away some time back, and we took delight in asking questions. My father’s spirit too had come once, he said that Tony was my lost child Shashidhar. He was reborn, that is why he loves me most. Sumathi’s directions of her re-birth could not be traced, although she had given us all the instructions. It was ridiculous to believe the planchette, we felt.
I was busy making preparations for Lalli’s wedding. Geeta helped me with the shopping. Her goldsmith agreed to do the ornaments on instalments. I booked Palamkote Hall (Matunga) and fixed everything else needed for the wedding. What an exciting time it was! It was the first wedding in our family. Gurudutt arranged cars and finance. There were restrictions for giving lunch. But I managed somehow to feed the wedding guests with my brother’s help at our old flat. All our relatives participated in the wedding. But my health, which was already failing, became worse due to strain. I had some uterus trouble but I did not tell this to anybody. Both Guru as well as Atma were busy with their fiancees!
The Wedding
On the 16th January, 1953, I got a wire from Poona that my sister-in-law breathed her last and my presence was absolutely necessary. I went. My brother had been on tour and only the children were at home. As soon as he returned, all the rituals took place, and I returned after staying there for three days. The train journey as well as the mental shock affected my poor health. I was taken to the Gynaecologist who advised operation immediately. Gurudutt’s wedding date was fixed. Invitation cards were printed. I pressed Gurudutt not to postpone his wedding but he refused, saying that “Ma, how could you think that I would get married when you are ill? Without your presence it is not possible for me to get married.”
Somehow, I had an intuition that Guru and Geeta’s marriage would never be a happy one. Firstly, in those days, she earned in thousands whereas Guru’s income was limited compared to hers. Secondly, both were stubborn, would never yield to one another. Thirdly, Guru had a burden of responsibilities over his shoulders. Guru’s short temper only a few could understand. He would hardly show his emotions. He never liked show, glamour and people’s praises or condemnations. At times, it was difficult to find out his moods. He would suddenly change his ideas.
Geeta was generous and affectionate like Gurudutt. Being the bread-winner in the family she was pampered and looked upon as a goddess. Her word in certain matters had to be carried out in her house. But her parents never allowed her to spend without their permission. She was also under certain restrictions. Her people never tried to understand her.
The occasional clashes between Guru and Geeta gave me a warning. Several times I tried to raise the topic with Gurudutt with courage. But his answer was, “Ma, you know I love Geeta. I am a person who never breaks my promise. I have given her the promise. No one can change me. After all it is one’s destiny.”
Guru’s Aar Paar was released and it was a good, successful socio-comedy. Guru and Shyama were the hero and heroine. Guru gave a chance to Abrar Alvi in this picture. They became good friends in later years. For music he engaged O.P. Nayyar. He gave chances to many newcomers. May 26, 1953 was fixed for Gurudutt’s wedding. This time Lalitha had undergone an operation for appendicitis. But Dr Mirajker allowed her to attend the wedding as the operation had taken place two weeks earlier.
I welcomed my first daughter-in-law by performing ‘Bow Bhatth’ according to our customs. With great pomp the wedding took place! It was the film industry’s sensation at the time. The public as well as the relatives were saying that Gurudutt married Geeta because of her wealth and her big name in the industry. After ‘Bow Bhatth’ Geeta stayed at our place. I prayed to God for their long life, prosperity, health and happiness every day.
Gurudutt had never any yearning for wealth as such. I think he never even glanced at Geeta’s jewellery. In spite of his earlier hardships he never wanted to hoard money. He had already bought a two-seater sports car. He would not interfere with Geeta’s earnings not would he ask her how she spent her money. Geeta was her own mistress. She did not help her parents and relatives as before, but started spending lavishly on herself. Many became her friends and their influence spoiled Geeta. They were not her well-wishers. Their flattery made Geeta happy. Gurudutt disliked all this. He warned her to be sensible. But Geeta did not pay any attention to his words. Thus the clash between them was inevitable.
On July 9, 1954 which was Guru’s birthday, a son was born to them. They had wished for a girl. It was a great disappointment for them. I was very happy to get a grandson. Geeta sang in all Guru’s films. Her melodious voice suited most of the heroines. She had a lovely figure and an attractive, charming face although her complexion was dark. Good features in a woman are admired by all. She had little education, but she learnt at home with the help of a tutor. She was intelligent and could grasp things easily.
After Tarun’s (Guru’s first son) birthday, everything went on smoothly. The tussle was still there, but Gurudutt loved his son whenever he found time, he and Geeta were happy at times. Among his children, Tarun was his favourite.
We shifted to 16th Road, Khar, where we had a spacious house with five rooms. He bought some land at Lonavla to do farming. There he built a cosy two-room flat with all facilities for comfortable living. He loved a quiet life. Whenever he felt depressed or had time on his hands, he used to go there and spend a few days. Sometimes he went there with his script writer also. A couple was engaged to look after the farm. He would ask them to prepare bajra roti and hot chutney which he loved. Sometimes he himself would cook ‘Khichdi ‘serve the workers and himself. Geeta was fond of glamour and publicity. She hardly liked staying at Lonavla. They always differed in their tastes and opinions, but sometimes they patched up their disagreements.
At times, their quarrels were so furious that I would doubt whether they would continue to live together and have a normal life.
In 1955, Gurudutt started his next film “Mr & Mrs 55”. The heroine was Madhubala and Gurudutt himself played the hero. It was also a semi-comedy and became a hit. He was always busy with new experiments. He once thought of making a film with three short stories. But others discouraged him. He signed many artists, bought various stories from prominent writers but later he discarded them and thus wasted lot of money. The slightest mistake or overacting irritated him. During office hours, and shooting times he was very strict. There would be pin-drop silence. Nobody would dare utter a word. Otherwise, he treated everybody, high and low, alike in the studio. He always discussed his views with others but would ultimately use his own discretion. Music, acting, technique as well as camerawork, he himself would supervise, so as to obtain perfect results.
Guru had a soft corner for all his staff members as well as the studio workers. He looked after their welfare. He would pay their salaries first and then only bring money for household expenses. He gave bonus to the workers whenever a film did well.
Many poor students were fed at home. They were given all other facilities such as books, fees and clothes.
CHAPTER VI
In 1956, Arun, Gurudutt’s second son was born. Arun was a lovely child. Very fair with curly hair and big eyes. He looked like his father, but the baby could not breathe properly. We had given up all hopes of his living. However he survived.
After Mr & Mrs 55 Gurudutt went to Hyderabad for the release of the film. There he saw Waheeda Rehman’s dance in a Telugu picture, Rojulu Maarayee. He found talent in this girl and this attracted him. He tried to engage her for his films but her mother objected. However, she gave her consent later, and Waheeda Rehman signed a contract with Gurudutt for three years, with certain clauses to her advantage. She was at that time seventeen-years-old. Oppositions came from many quarters but Gurudutt had his way. Thus Waheeda came to the limelight. Though not many people had confidence in her, Gurudutt was firm. He took a challenge and shaped Waheeda into a beautiful screen star. C.I.D. was her first picture. Guru gave a chance to Raj Khosla to direct this picture, but guided him in everything. The public liked Waheeda’s acting. Gurudutt believed in team work, and he said that there must be mutual understanding for creative work.
Geeta was by nature jealous and temperamental. Her so-called well-wishers provoked her by exaggerating the studio news. She used to pay attention to such people. Thus, the misunderstanding between Gurudutt and Geeta increased. Gurudutt’s sensitive mind was always distressed. He would convince Geeta about the real position. But she ignored his words.
Gurudutt loved classical music. He once invited Akhtari Bai to his residence and only music lovers were invited for the concert. It was an experience to listen to that great singer.
Gurudutt bought a large property with a hundred year old building in it, by spending lakhs of rupees. His next venture was Pyaasa the story for which he had written during his years of struggle.
When this picture was released it became a big hit. The trend in his filmmaking suddenly changed. He began to pay more attention to the artistic values of a film than to its commercial side. Consequently he was not sure of its success until it was released. The story was based on real life in which he expressed his own experiences. S.D. Burman’s music, Sahir Ludhianvi’s lyrics, Waheeda’s acting, as well as Guru’s direction and acting in it, brought great success and fame to Gurudutt. He was recognised as a good filmmaker. After that he got many offers from other producers. But he did not want to accept any of them at that time.
The bungalow at Pali Hill was shaped into a beautiful house with a big garden, and a lawn in front. From upstairs the whole area looked lovely on the western side from where the sea and sunset could be seen. He bought different kinds of dogs, lovely birds, a Siamese cat, two pairs of hares, a monkey and even a tiger cub. (The cub had to be given to the zoo as it once tried to bite Arun).
Guru brought two big cows. Then he purchased a cock and hen of English breed. He wanted to start a poultry farm. Unfortunately, there was no one to take care of these things. Geeta was not the homely type. I was forced to stay in our old flat due to my illness. The children were too young. The servants neglected the animals. Gurudutt being busy could not pay attention to his own home. His work increased as he became more and more popular.
I often felt nervous at his success. Some people were jealous of him and his success. I felt scared for his life. Personally he had no enemies. But life is not always as smooth as we think.
Guru wanted to make at least one Bengali film. He had a great number of Bengali novels with him. He loved the beauty of the language. He was self-taught. His favourite authors were Bernard Shaw, Shakespeare, Dickens, Emile Zola, Steinbeck and Tolstoy. In Bengali he had almost all the poetic works of Tagore, Sharat Chandra’s novels and the books by contemporary authors.
In Hindi, Premchand, Kabir and Rahul Sankrityayan were his favourite writers. In Sanskrit too he had Kalidas’s complete works, Chanakya and many other books. The Gorakhpur press people presented him with religious books such as Mahabharatha, Bhagwad Gita, Ramayana, etc. In Urdu he had many books by different authors, mostly poetry. He loved the Koran. He could read Urdu. Whenever he got time, he would read a book thoroughly. Before making a picture he would go through the story and script several times before starting the work.
Gurudutt wrote his own stories for picturisation. Among them are Pyaasa, Aar Paar, Baazi, Kaagaz Ke Phool, Mr & Mrs 55, Jaal and lastly he wrote Gouri. It was a story of a sculptor. For this film he took the hero’s part and took Geeta as his heroine. He stayed in Calcutta with the family to study the people and their customs and traditions.
The picture was started. A few reels were done. He engaged a special sculptor to make an image of Durga. Suddenly, no one knew what happened. Geeta refused to work in the film. If the film had been completed, it would have been a good production. Gurudutt was completely broken by the shock of having to discontinue the film. For one week he disappeared and no one could trace him.
At last he got over the shock. He suffered a loss of over Rs. 40,000/- on this picture. He lost his enthusiasm for direction. His assistant Niranjan was given the chance to make Raaz. The story was based on an English novel.
Waheeda Heroine
Gurudutt was the first person to shoot scenes of snow for his film. He chose Simla for location. Waheeda was the heroine and he was the hero. The film was half completed.Guru did not approve of the direction. He stopped the picture. Another loss of Rs. 60,000/-. There were other losses for signing agreements with authors like Shivshankar Pillai of ‘Chemeen’ fame. Then there was ‘Kannagi’, the life of a poetess devoted to God. And so many other themes, which he considered for films.
These ideas of his leaked out somehow and other producers made use of some of the themes Guru had in view. He never had a happy life, which had been his dream. To down his mental agony he started drinking heavily. He also became a chain smoker. These were his weaknesses.
His reputation was also spoiled by some persons, connecting his name with that of Waheeda. He certainly had a great admiration for her talents and understanding. She was his friend and well-wisher. That was all.
As all know, the film world is notorious for its gossip and scandal mongering. In Guru’s case, his name was involved with Waheeda mainly by his own dear ones. Too much of propaganda was made against him. But he was a person who cared neither for publicity and praise nor for condemnation.
Whenever Gurudutt was in a good mood he would play badminton and chess. He bought a boat and often went fishing in Powai Lake with a few friends. He went to Shikar with his friend Johnny Walker, Tarun and Arun. He would make kites for children, play with marbles whenever the children were with him. He was most cheerful in the company of children.
He once arranged a concert of Siddheswari Devi. Another time he invited Ali Akbar to play Sarod. He was his favourite when they both stayed at Almora. Even Vilayat Khan’s concert was held once. Each time only select friends and family members were invited. Geeta never liked classical music. She herself was a popular playback singer. Yet she had a dislike for classical music. He wanted to make films without songs, but following the tradition of the film industry and also for the sake of mass appeal he had to have music in his films.
When Tarun completed his fifth year, Gurudutt personally went to Darjeeling and admitted him in a public boarding school. Later, he sent his younger brother too to the school at Darjeeling.
The guardian, there, was not a straight person. After some time he started blackmailing Gurudutt in spite of his having taken full advantage of Gurudutt’s hospitality.
Geeta herself began to neglect her playback contracts. This business is peculiar. Once a person gives it up, there is little chance of his or her coming into limelight again. Geeta, however, sang in her husband’s films. But she lost the demand from outside. Everyone blamed Gurudutt for this, saying that he did not allow her to sing outside. On the contrary, he always encouraged her to take up outside engagements. The loss on account of Gouri and Raaz was heavy. So, to make up that he made Chaudhvin Ka Chand which is supposed to be very commercial. But this film was a hit. It celebrated its silver jubilee and brought good luck to Gurudutt. Personally, he was not satisfied with the picture. The film industry is more or less based on speculation. It is very difficult to anticipate beforehand the taste of the masses.
Once again, Gurudutt wanted to handle a serious subject of artistic nature. He hunted for themes. At last he liked Bimal Mitra’s Mithun Lagna. He chose Tandra Burman as the heroine. A few reels were shot. The heroine started giving trouble. He dropped the picture. He started the same author’s Gulmohar and wanted to take his sister-in-law as heroine. Somehow, he did not like to continue the film, and this was also dropped.
By this time, Bimal Mitra was a close friend. Whenever he went to Madras to act in Hindi films made there, he would ask Bimal Mitra to accompany him. Guru’s generosity had no limit. Who ever took seriously ill among his staff, he helped financially. He would spare his own room even for use by the sick.
Gurudutt opened his distribution office in London and Calcutta. He trained his third brother in the work of distribution. Unfortunately, both the offices brought him loss and troubles. Guru was not practical. He did not know business tactics. People took advantage of his simplicity, straightforwardness and weaknesses.
1955: Atmaram left Gurudutt Films and was doing documentary films for Burma Shell. He with his wife and little daughter left Bombay for London in 1958. Atmaram made a good name for himself with his documentaries and won several prizes. When Gurudutt stayed with him during his London trip, he observed Atma’s sincerity and systematic hard work. He always appreciated others’ talents and abilities. He asked Atmaram to resign and join Gurudutt Films once again.
Geeta neglected her health, and became a victim of alcohol. Her so-called friends took advantage of her weak mind and spoilt her as well as her career. The person who was next to Lata Mangeshkar had to step down. It was so tragic! Geeta had a voice which was God’s gift. Thus Geeta lost name, fame as well as her career.
Gurudutt could not tolerate women drinking heavily. In certain ways he was old fashioned. He disliked parties and the so-called women’s lib. He was Indian at heart. In this way, Gurudutt and Geeta were losing each other. It was so pathetic to observe. But, no one had the boldness to bring them together.
Kaagaz Ke Phool
In 1959, Kaagaz Ke Phool was made. Gurudutt was the first person to introduce Cinemascope in Hindi films. At that time the picture did not run well, but after his death, the picture got all the acclaim, and still whenever it runs, the cinema halls are full. His Pyaasa, Kaagaz Ke Phool as well as Saheb Bibi Aur Ghulam have been considered landmarks in Indian Cinema.
Saheb Bibi Aur Ghulam was a serious subject. Once again Gurudutt wanted to experiment. He went to Calcutta for a few months. He wanted an old palatial house for this theme. He was a person who would never give in. The shooting started. He engaged Waheeda Rehman as a side heroine and Meena Kumari as the main heroine. He was the hero. Hemant Kumar gave splendid music for this film. It took longer than he expected to complete the picture.
This picture did not bring success at that time. But later, the public realised the artistic merit in this difficult film. He gave a chance to Abrar Alvi to direct the film. He, of course, was the master-mind behind it. Those who saw the film could find Guru’s hand behind the film.
Soon guru signed for a few outside pictures also. Among them were Bharosa starring Asha Parekh. Bahurani with Mala Sinha, Sautela Bhai (in which he himself acted very well), Sanj Aur Savera with Meena Kumar and so on. He had great respect in the film industry in Madras, where years earlier Vasan of the Gemini Studios could not gauge his worth). Meanwhile, Geeta got a contract to act in a Bengali picture. Unfortunately the film flopped.
In 1961 January, Gurudutt lost his father suddenly. Somebody suggested that he destroy the Pali Hill bungalow and raise in its place a building of flats. It would be very profitable, he was told. Guru’s stars were bad. He did not give a second thought to it. The beautiful bungalow was destroyed. Ever since the bungalow was pulled down, Gurudutt’s home went to pieces gradually. Guru and Geeta quarrelled. Due to certain unpleasant happenings Guru wanted to put an end to his life.
Fortunately, I was at Pali Hill. He wrote a letter to Atmaram saying, “I am desperate. No one is responsible for my suicide. Please look after my children.” I cannot now think of that horrible time, or how it happened. For three days, Guru fought between life and death. Rumours spread that he was dead. He fortunately recovered and was his old self again. As the drug he had taken was too strong, the doctors doubted whether he would have a full recovery. Some people get a nervous breakdown. Anyway, nothing serious happened.
Once again Geeta came home. They went to Kashmir for a change. In August 1962, a girl was born to them. The couple’s wish was fulfilled. But alas, peace and harmony became once again unthinkable. The same unpleasantness was repeated. They shifted to ‘Ashish’ so that the proposed flats could be built. Geeta got offers to act in Hindi pictures, but these never materialised.

CHAPTER VII
Guru was tired of his unhappy domestic life. He shifted to Peddar Road to stay by himself. Geeta shifted to Bandra. He would visit the children, and request Geeta to send the children to him. Sometimes she agreed. At times she refused. Just then, he had signed for acting in Kananbala’s Sri Kanth, a Bengali picture. He was busy doing Baharen Phir Bhi Aayengi.
19th August, 1964, was Neena’s (Gurudutt’s daughter’s) second birthday. Gurudutt attended the party. He hugged the child warmly. I saw tears in his eyes. I was sitting in a corner watching him. He came to me and asked me “Ma, you look weak, are you not keeping well?” After a long time I heared his affectionate words. How happy I felt! Alas! That was the last time I saw my son Gurudutt.
On 10th October, Lalitha had invited all the members of the family to her home where there was to be a sitar recital by Abdul Halim Jaffarkhan in the evening.
The End
At 10 a.m. I was going to my daughter’s place, when all of a sudden we got the news that Gurudutt was seriously ill. I rushed to Peddar by taxi. While I stepped in, Atmaram came to take me inside and said “Amma, Gurudutt is no more.” I couldn’t believe it. I went to Gurudutt’s room. How calm and serene was his face! An open book was lying by the side of his pillow. I could not believe that my son had breathed his last. I went and felt his forehead. It was cold as ice. Then I went and sat near his feet. The shock was too much for me. I was stunned and sat like a stone. That day he was to be shooting and he also had an appointment with Raj Kapoor.
I believe Gurudutt and Geeta had a hot discussion on the phone about the children. He wanted her to send the children to him, which she refused. Whoever thought that Gurudutt would take it so seriously?
Abrar was staying with him, writing the dialogue of Baharen Phir Bhi Aayengi. It was the last scene in which the heroine departs for ever. Guru told Abrar. “Abrar I would like to retire. You continue the writing.” So saying, he went to his bedroom. He had drunk a lot and had also taken sleeping pills. There was the glass of water and the wrapper of the pills by his side. He never woke up from his sleep. The end must have come in the early hours of the morning, the doctors said.
Gurudutt’s personal physician came at 8 a.m. for the usual check-up. The door was locked so he promised to come again and left. At 10 a.m. Geeta rang up to find out whether he had woken up. The doors were locked. She ordered the servants to break open the door. The doctors could not grant the death certificate as they could not say whether the death was natural or unnatural and, therefore, doubtful.
Both Raj Kapoor and Dev Anand were among the first person to arrive and pay their last tribute. They went to the Coroner’s office with Atma.
Everyone wondered why Geeta, of all persons, wanted the servants to break open the door, when she was staying away from him? Still it is a mystery. She too rushed to “ARY - Royal” after getting the shocking news. The boys were in school. Neena was with her mother.
I could not stand all those last rites, I went to Lalitha’s house. People had gathered for the concert. As soon as Abdul Halim heared the news, he played a homage on his sitar and prayed for the departed soul.
Lalitha was there until the end. She gave us a description of the events that took place.
They carried the bier outside the building, Guru had his own lorry in which the body was to be carried. The bier was placed in it, and hundreds of wreaths and floral tributes were placed over the body. The lorry crawled towards Sonapur carrying its master still surrounded by his colleagues, members of the family, his film unit, friends and fans.
It was then that poor Atmaram set fire to the bier-fire which purifies the soul.
The chanting grew in volume. The flames leapt up and Eternity emancipated the slave of time from the chains of destiny and death for ever.
Thus Gurudutt’s life ended within the span of thirty-nine years. He had won the hearts of thousands by his generous and good nature. He was at the peak of success through his contribution to the film world.
He had always said “The filmline is uncertain. One should step down from the climax of success”. His wish was fulfilled.

A banner associated with all-time classics like Aar Paar, CID, Pyaasa, Sahib, Biwi Aur Ghulam, Chaudavin Ka Chand and Kaagaz Ke Phool. The man who had floated the production comapany abruptly moved on to another world, leaving behind a never-finished dream, Baharen Phir Bhi Aayenge. Forty years later, his family has still to terms with his sudden death. His movies still bring back a treasure throve of memories...
The monochromatic shadow play of Sahib Biwi Aur Ghulam takes his sister, Lalitha Lajmi back to their childhood days in Kolkata. When 14-year-old Guru Dutt would use his fingers to shape images on a wall lit up by the flickering light of their grandmother’s diya as she performed the evening arti. Images that spun out wonderous fantasies that left his younger siblings wide-eyed.
Lalitha’s brother was lonesome but not lonely. Abrar Alivi’s filmmaker friend was introverted but at the same time delightfully impulsive, dragging him off to a mujra or a local brewery. Arun Dutt’s father was an intimidating figure who found it difficult to articulate his emotions...
The same man...differening prespectives. What was the real Guru Dutt like? People are still trying to unravel the enigma. We believe a mother knows her son best which is why Screen will be serialing Vasanthi Padukone’s book, My Son, Guru Dutt, published soon after his untimely demise. May be excerpts from the book will help us understand the movie icon and the reason he went away too early...
CHAPTER 1
It was 1923. We started our first home at Panambur, a village in South Kanara. It was a small village and the inhabitants, mostly farmers, were poor.
There was a school run by the Grampanchayat. My husband, Sri Shivshanker Rao Padukone, was its headmaster. The number of students was hardly a hundred. Some of them came from quite long distances.

In those days, the headmaster was respected by the entire village. We lived in a rented house surrounded on three sides by green fields and on one side by a wide road on which buses ran between Mangalore and Udipi.
My father-in-law had planted two coconut palms near the house. He used to tell us “You will also live long like the ‘Kalpavraksha’ and be helpful to the needy.” He was a pious man and very affectionate. He had thirteen children - ten sons and three daughters (it was a sort of pride to have many children those days) of whom my husband was the youngest. Naturally, he was a pampered child, and more so, because he lost his mother when he was hardly thirteen. After the death of my mother-in-law, the home was broken and my father-in-law with his youngest child used to live in the house of his other sons by turn.
As my parents were not living together, I had also been brought up by my maternal relatives from the age of five. I was married when I was 15-year-old. Naturally, I was inexperienced in housekeeping when we started our home.
Our landlord, who had only one eye, had a sweetmeat shop. He was kind, affectionate and treated me like his own daughter. Every time he prepared sweets, he would give me some to taste. It was a pleasure to watch him prepare sweets.
In the village, the bazaar was held only once a week. People from villages, far and near, used to come to buy their requirements such as clothes, bangles, vegetables and other commodities. It was such fun to watch these villagers coming, bargaining, etc. We used to get fresh vegetables from the farm itself. A maid-servant, who was also my age, used to do odd jobs in the house and accompany me whenever I went. We had to get water from a well which was far away from home. Once it so happened that the servant girl fell ill, and I had to fetch water. On the way some mischievous boys threw stones at me and tried to pull my leg. I was very timid. I ran home crying and panting for the house for a few days.
Those boys were from the school where my husband was the headmaster. They were punished severely and the parents took action. They brought the case before the “Grampanchayat”. Somehow, a compromise was brought about between the headmaster and the parents. I still remember another incident there. One day our landlady who used to work in the fields came home at 12 noon. As soon as she entered, she made a sound like a beast. Her eyes were red and wildly opened. She rolled on the floor. She was shivering. I was playing with her little grandson in a corner of the verandah. That lady’s son, daughter-in-law, the old man, all came rushing to her as if they knew what had befallen her, and tried to appease her. “We remember,” pleaded the husband, “we did not perform my father’s or your father’s Shradha ceremony. we will surely perform these soon. Please go away.” So saying the old man kept a rupee on a ‘panleaf’ and prostrated before her (the old lady). His mother’s spirit had come upon her to remind them. Others also bowed before her. Once again the old lady looked at each one of them with piercing eyes, and slowly and steadily the spirit left her. The old lady fell down with a sound. She became weak. The whole day, she could not get up nor touch any food.
On the school day, there was a Kannada drama played by the students. A few girls sang songs. At that time, dance was forbidden on the stage although the village folk danced during festivals and fairs. The prizes were given by my hand. I felt nervous and shy while stepping on the stage.
My husband used to get malaria often. He was treated by one of the school teachers called ‘Nachappa master’. He used to prescribe Ayurvedic medicines. The old man suggested that it would be better to consult an astrologer to find out whether the trouble was due to the unfavourable influence of the stars. My husband never believed in astrology. But, he had to yield to the suggestion of the old man. The astrologer wanted to read my hand too, and he being an old man, my husband did not object. The astrologer gave a broad smile at me, when he examined my palm. He predicted that I would get a son within a year. He would be a great person and bring good luck to the family. The child would be world famous. I felt shy at that time; getting children at such a young age was unthinkable.
After the annual exams, the school was closed for the summer vacations. My husband was not contented with the meagre salary. He wanted to proceed to Bangalore in search of a job. Once he decided to do anything, no one could stop him. He resigned the job. It was so painful for me to leave Panambur, where I led a peaceful independent life. I missed those traditional village ‘Yakshagana’ dances which were held the whole night in front of our house. I used to watch them from our window at nights and get scolded by my husband.
Artist Cousin
Before going to Bangalore I stayed at Mangalore with one of my maternal cousins for four months. She was a very strict woman although she had a good heart. She could not tolerate even a small thing going against her will. My only consolation was the affection of my cousin brother Sri B.B. Benegal, who was an artist. He was four years older than me. He used to take me out for an occasional stroll. Young girls were forbidden to go alone anywhere in those days. We used to take long walks, discussing about our future etc. He was a great admirer of Rabindranath Tagore, and used to get his books for me to read from the school library. I also became a great admirer of Tagore and his works. I used to dream that if at all I get children, they should be as talented as the Tagores. So we came close to each other.
It was a joy to watch my cousin while he was busy with his colours and brushes. My cousin’s father was an ardent admirer of art and the stage. During his young days it is said he used to take an active part on the stage. He also experimented on stage improvements and lost a lot of money. Thus the family had to suffer due to poverty. So his children had a grudge against him. He was a nice old man and very affectionate (I have always had a soft corner for old people). I used to pound his pan and help him whenever he wanted something or the other. He had promised me that he would stay at my place when I joined my husband. Unfortunately, he died a few days after I left for Bangalore. His wish could not be fulfiled.
In 1924 October, I went to Bangalore, Shivshankar got a job in a bank. My mother was with me most of the time after she joined us at Bangalore. I left Mangalore after the Gouri-Ganesh Pooja was over. This is a great festival for us. In olden times we observed the puja in a strict orthodox manner, fasting until the ‘Gana-homa’ and puja were over, simple devotion. Perhaps I have inherited this from my father. He was a follower of the late Sri Manick Buva. My father’s uncle Sri Swami Pandurangashram, was the Spiritual head of our Saraswat Community at the time. He was very orthodox and a strict disciplinarian. He had tabooed travel to foreign countries. So, in those days, people who had dined with foreign-returned persons had to take ‘Prayaschit’ to purify themselves. We had done this in 1921 after my brother’s wedding.
After coming to Bangalore, the whole atmosphere was strange to me. I had never been to school for any length of time. Before my wedding I attended school for one year and a half and that too because of my uncle who helped me financially. So, I had little learning. My cousins who were educated used to look down upon me, which hurt my sensitive nature a great deal.
I joined one of the Convent Schools to learn embroidery. I was unable to follow the English spoken by the nuns there. But they used to teach me with their broken Kannada language. Within two months signs of pregnancy appeared in me. I had to stop going to my classes, as I had severe morning sickness.
How avidly I used to read the lives of Sri Ramkrishna and Sri Vivekananda in Marathi! I could not understand their philosophy, but I had read somewhere that if a person who is pregnant devotes her time to reading good books, the child to be born becomes endowed with a brilliant intellect. It may or may not be true, but I sincerely believed it. It is this faith and sincerity which really played an important part in my life.
From childhood I was not allowed to have any friends in whom I could confide. I was the favourite of my father. Since we were separated, I was feeling very lonely. In those days, a girl of 10 years was treated like an adult, and so children had no freedom of any sort. My mother was very strict. Her nagging and fault-finding made me an introvert. Even after my wedding I was not close to my husband. We were poles apart. The wife had neither choice nor voice in any matters. Women had only to be submissive and obey their masters.
As the time of my confinement was nearing, it was difficult for me to move about. I used to get sweet dreams of the baby to be born. At length, the fateful day dawned. 9th July, 1925. I had severe labour pains and my husband and mother took me to the hospital, no one was allowed to stay there, only during visiting hours. So, my people left me and went away. How ignorant I was at that time! I knew nothing about what a patient who had come for delivery should do, or should not do. I went and sat on a chair which belonged to the matron. The pains were coming off and on. As soon as the matrons entered she was furious at seeing me, a patient, sitting in her chair. She shouted at the top of her voice and started abusing me. I was already nervous and her shouting made me more so.
The pain became unbearable after a time. I was taken to the labour room. The nurses there were also inhuman. Their treatment towards patients was humiliating. However, at 12 noon exactly my child was born. A bundle was brought to me after an hour or two. The nurse opened the bundle and placed the new-born beside me. I could not believe that the child was mine. My own flesh and blood. I kissed the baby’s forehead. I forgot all the pain I bore. How cute he looked with his curly jet black hair, fair complexion and big eyes! He weighed less than 6 lbs. the nurse said.
In the general ward, there was an elderly lady next to my bed. She was kind and affectionate. She showed me how to breast feed the child. In the evening both my mother and husband came. Mother was so happy to see her grandson. Perhaps, my husband also felt proud on becoming a father.
In the Hospital
My son was the only male baby that day, all the rest were girls. I used to feel nervous to handle the tiny baby. That same day, another young girl gave birth to twins. They were kept in an incubator. They were wrapped up in cotton and they looked like dolls.
Next day, it so happened that the nurse brought another baby to me. She made a mistake, by not seeing the number of the cardboard which was tied to the baby’s neck. My baby’s number was 9. The other baby’s number was 6. I fed the other baby thinking it was mine. The mother of that baby got wild as soon as she found out the mistake. She could recognise her baby. She made a big fuss about this and took the complaint to the doctor. The poor nurse was suspended for a week.
What a pleasure it was to fondle and kiss my tiny baby! The Mother becomes one with the child and forgets her existence, and even the world outside. That is the magic or maya of the Creator. This maya creates an impregnable bond between the baby and the mother, and how difficult it is to cut down this bond of maya!
It was the month of July. It rained heavily with thunder and lightning. On the 11th day my people came to take me home. The old lady next to me blessed me and the baby. She shed tears as she was undergoing an operation that day. There was no certainty of her surviving the ordeal. Poor lady! How much she was attached to me! She helped me a lot, as I was forbidden to get up for a few days.
My mother bathed the baby. How curiously I watched this! On the 12th day, the cradle ceremony was performed. A few relatives and neighbours were invited. My elder brother had suggested two names: Vasant Kumar and Gurudutt. The baby was born on Thursday (Guru’s Day) and it was the birthday also of Madhavacharya, the great philosopher and Saint of Vaishnawa cult.
The baby used to cry off and on. Perhaps his light body could not bear the cold. Whenever it rained, the weather in Bangalore used to cool down considerably. The baby used to get cold and cough every now and then. I knew nothing about child care. In the beginning I was clumsy even while changing his diapers.
When the baby was a month and a half old, he started gazing at persons who came close to the cradle, and used to keep on smiling. Gradually he started holding a toy with his tiny hands.
When the baby was two months old, he was vaccinated. For a few days he was very peevish. At the third month, he started to turn on his belly. He never crawled straight away and he tried to sit when he was six months old. It was a pleasure to see him fall down during his attempts to sit. When Gurudutt completed his seventh month, we took him to a photographer’s shop to take a photo. Everyone in the family was anxious to see the baby. How sweet he looked in this photo with his big eyes!
We were forced to shift to another house on the 5th road Chamrajpet, as the landlady started troubling us in our house. Our new habitation was an outhouse. The landlord had a beautiful wife named Gouri. She was charming and had three children. Her husband was not satisfied with his wife. He was carrying on with the maid servant of the house and the couple always used to quarrel. Gouri used to come to my mother with tears in her eyes. She threatened her husband that she would leave him. She had no parents, brothers or sisters to provide for her.
During this time we got the news that my father had come from Bombay to his cousin’s house at Malleshwaram. We both went there to bring Papa to our place. I saw my father after a six-year gap. How I wanted to go and embrace him! But this show of affection was not allowed in those days.
In 1927, when Mahatmaji came to Bangalore for rest along with Kasturba, Mahdev Desai, Maniben etc., we used to go there every evening to attend the prarthana (prayer) held in his presence. I attended it daily and I also coaxed my husband to attend it. I was very much moved by the bhajan. I also sang the Kannada devotional songs of Purandardas, Kanakdas and Bhatkal Appaya Shenai. Those songs had mostly Sanskrit words in them, which appeared to Pt. Madan Mohan Malaviaji. He would ask me to sit besides him to sing songs which specially dealt with Advaitha. By and by I was very much impressed by the atmosphere there. Rajaji’s daughter Laxmi, (who became Devdas Gandhi’s wife later) became my friend. We carried on our correspondence for many years. Little Gurudutt was evidently impressed by all these happenings. Every evening, as soon as lamps were lit in front of the idols at home, he would close his eyes and sing ‘Raghupati Raghav...’ although he could not clearly pronounce the words.
On his second birthday (in 1927), I dressed him up in red clothes which were his favourites, put his ornaments on and sent him to the landlord’s place to wish them. It was midday when he returned home running. He fell down near the well, which was situated between our house and the landlord’s. He was hurt severely near the forehead. I took him to the nearby doctor. At night he had high fever which continued for two weeks.
When Guru was a baby, I had once a severe attack of diarrhoea and had been treated by an old Vaidya. We had faith in him, and so we made him commence treatment for my child. It produced no result. The child’s condition became worse, day by day, I gave him milk in his silver cup. His eyes rolled up, his body became cold and his breathing rapid. The doctor who was nearby refused to come to see the child when I described his condition.
My cousin’s husband was a doctor. But my husband disliked him. He never allowed me to consult him when I was ill. This time I was desperate. I rushed to my cousin’s place which was on the 1st road, and requested him to save my child. He listened to everything quietly. All of them loved Gurudutt very much. But he refused to see the baby on principle. I wept, and that perhaps moved him at last. He came with me. We had closed all the windows and doors. I was so ignorant of everything! He opened the windows first, examined the child carefully and asked me to keep hot water bottles on both sides of the child. He gave some gray powder just to console me. (He told me this later, when Gurudutt recovered). He also told us to keep a watch on the child. We sat near the child by turns. By God’s grace the critical period was over. He uttered “Amma”. I gave him water from a spoon which he drank slowly. From a distance, I could hear a Shloka from “Manache Shlok” of Samarth Ramdas sung by someone by our house on the roads:
Who is most happy in this world?
Ask your own mind to find out.
Oh mind, it is you who are responsible for whatever you now suffer.
How these words appealed to me! My father had sent me the book of “Manache Shlok” when I was in Secunderabad, along with the book “Paramarth Sadan”. I had preserved these books like a treasure.

The Crisis
Guru Dutt had become extremely weak. Only his black curly hair and big eyes were still prominent in him. I used to feel frightened to look at him at nights. Although the crisis was over Dr. Anand’s man warned that he should be treated for his bad liver which was due to the strong medicines the Vaidya had given him. Some people said that Guru fell ill because the spirit of a man who had died by falling in the well had come upon him. So, we called mantravadi to remove the evil spirit. He told us that the child should never be called by the name Vasant Kumar, which we had first given him. Since then ‘Gurudutt’ became his permanent name.
Gradually, Guru put on a little weight and he was out of danger. The doctor said that a change of climate would improve his health. So mother, Guru and myself bade goodbye to Bangalore forever. My husband resigned his job and went to Mangalore. During Guru’s illness, we could not meet Mahatmaji. I wrote a letter informing him of all that happened and asking him what I should do further. Previously I had asked Gandhiji secretly to allow me to join his Sabarmati Ashram. He had just smiled and had not said anything. (Perhaps he had an intuition about Guru’s illness). Before leaving Bangalore Mahatmaji wrote a postcard to me saying :-
Dear Vasanthi Devi,
Received your letter. It was God’s wish. You ought to stay where you are. Duty of a mother and wife is most important. Bring up your child in a good way, so that he would have courage and character to face life. Serve our Bharatmata. Never give up hope.
Ever yours,
Mohandas K. Gandhi.
(unfortunately this letter which I had framed and kept carefully was lost in 1955).
CHAPTER II
We reached Calcutta. My brother was extremely happy to see Guru Dutt. As usual the child soon became a pet in the house. My brother was brought up in an orthodox way by my maternal grandmother. He observed certain rules which we were forced to follow. He would perform the puja both in the morning and evening with great devotion. Guru would go and touch this or that article in the puja room. This used to disturb my brother while performing the puja. But he used to smile at his nephew and answer his questions after the puja was over. Guru would take the prasad from him with his small hands and gulp it. He too would close his eyes and sit in front of the idol when no one was nearby. My cousin Mr. Benegal was then studying art and was staying with my brother.
I remember, once we went to see a play at Madras theatres, Kajjanbai was the heroine in the play. Guru struck up friendship with some of the audience. Once a young man took him out and did not return for a long time. I was nervous and restless. I could not concentrate on the play. My brother was upset. He scolded me for being lenient with strangers. However, the person who took Guru Dutt returned with a packet full of chocolates, sweets, and Guru Dutt’s favourite top! I need hardly say I felt considerably relieved.
Guru liked to play with the top. He would whip it on the ground and get it on his palm easily. There was a small garden and the landlord’s pup used to play there. The whole of an afternoon Guru would play with the pup, his top and marbles. He made friends also with the neighbouring children who were older than him.
The change of climate improved Guru’s health. My brother had bought a sailor’s suit for him, which he wore and would salute all of us proudly like a soldier. My cousin took a few snaps of Guru along with the pup with which he used to play.
I was not sure of any long stay in Calcutta. My husband was forcing me to return as early as possible. But he was still to get a job. Instead of becoming anxious to join him, I prayed to God to make my holiday here last longer.
My brother used to take us all to the Botanical Garden, Victoria Memorial etc. whenever he had time. At that time women had to go by closed horse-cart. We hardly saw any middle-class or upper middle class ladies on the road. Within five years a great change in social activities had taken place.
In Madras
By November end, I had a wire from my husband asking me to return along with Guru Dutt. Mother stayed back. We had a reliable escort upto Madras. That was the first time I took Guru Dutt along. Only occasionally, I used to look after him. So, it was an ordeal for me to handle the mischievous child. At times he would be stubborn. He would never listen to what I told him. I had no patience. I used to spank him. He never cried loudly. Only I could see tears rolling down his cheeks. Then, I had to repent for my harshness.
At Madras, I got the news that another cousin of mine had come from Hyderabad with his wife and children to attend the Congress session, which was being held there. Somehow I managed to find out where they were staying and I went and met them. Both the husband and wife became attached to me. Guru Dutt was happy to get new playmates. They had three children. I stayed there for three days and then proceeded to Kasargod (South Kanara) where I put up with my nephew there.
Just then, the post of the Manager of the Sadananda Cooperative Printing Press - the first ever Cooperative Printing Press in the whole of Asia - fell vacant, and my nephew at Mangalore, the oldest of all my nephews, managed to get my husband appointed to this post. So we went to Managlore.
The Kannada Weekly “Rashtrabandhhu” edited by Kadengodu Shankar Bhat, the well-known Kannada poet, was being printed then. I had started writing short stories when I was at Bangalore itself. Mrs. Kalyanamma, the editor of “Saraswathi” had encouraged me to write. That magazine was meant specially for women and dealt with their problems. So, I started writing for the magazine section of “Rashtrabandhu”.
At this time, my nephew was living in his house all by himself and his little son, as his wife was undergoing treatment at Bangalore for a prolonged illness. So he asked us to come and live in his house which we gladly did.
Opposite the house was the headquarters of the “Shankar Vithal” Bus Company, where my brother-in-law (my husband’s elder brother) was the Manager. Guru Dutt made friends with all the drivers and cleaners and spent his time mostly with them. Sometimes the drivers would take Guru on their bus for pretty long distances. Guru liked to watch the repairs of the buses and help the workers by giving them tools with his tiny hands and watch them driving off. As soon as he came home, he would give a full description of all that he saw and did. My nephew’s son Prabhashankar, who was two years older than Guru Dutt, used to play with him, teach him nursery rhymes etc. He was an extremely mischievous child. Sometimes, he would take Guru inside the room and beat him for no reason. Sometimes he would tell him stories of birds, animals, etc. Thus, Guru developed an eagerness to listen to stories. I had to tell him tales from ‘Panchtantra’ every night.
In the evenings, Guru would wash, change his dress, bow his head before the idol and repeat the rhymes taught to him. He would count upto 100 and utter a few devotional stotras and then take his food. Every day he had to come home from the compound outside before getting dark. That was my order to him.
My nephew was a professor of chemistry in a prominent college at Mangalore. He was a talented person, greatly interested in music and literature. He played the harmonium. I got my knowledge of classical music from him. Sometimes my husband and he had long discussions on different subjects. Guru’ father also was very good in English. Shakespeare was his favourite poet. He would read aloud from his Works and explain those plays to me. I was longing to learn English. I did translations or made sentences in English, and he would correct them if he was in the proper moods. But these ocasions were rare. His short temper confused me, and I would stop learning.

1928. Guru was now three years old. My nephew used to take us to his college to listen to the radio programme from Bombay. That was the first radio set in the whole of Mangalore then. How thrilled we all were to listen to programmes from Bombay! We could not listen properly, because of the atmosphere, yet it was most amazing. I gained a lot of knowledge of Kannada literature too from my nephew during our stay with him. When his wife returned from Bangalore, cured after her long illness, we shifted to a house near the jail premises.
Guru Dutt was fascinated at the sight of prisoners with handcuffs and a string tied to their waist. Sometimes we could hear their shrill cries when they were caned or tortured. Guru would put his fingers to his ears, come to me and hug me saying “Ma, how cruel are the police? Why do they beat those thieves?”
Guru became friendly with the goldsmith’s son who stayed next door. His old grandmother died. Gurudutt never knew fear. He went and stood there and watched the last ceremonies and the body taken away on a stretcher. I used to be frightened at night after this for a few days but Guru was never scared.
I started teaching him his first three R’s. He loved to learn. I used to take long walks with him in the evenings. He would ask thousands of questions about everything he saw on the way. He would repeat his questions until he was satisfied with the answers. My knowledge was limited, I tried my best to make him understand things, using my commonsense.
Money Problems
During May 1928, I received a letter from Papa from Bombay after a long time. We used to correspond sometimes. He wrote to me, “you must be brave to face life’s trifles. Bring up Guru Dutt giving him full scope to develop mentally as well as physically, and always trust in God”. Whoever dreamt that it was to be his last letter to me? I heard from someone else that Papa’s health was precarious. He had not mentioned this in his letter. I wished to meet my father! We were always short of money, and my husband would never allow me to go. So I had to suppress my desire to go and see my father. A few days later we received a wire from Bombay informing us that Papa breathed his last due to a heart attack. It was a pity that none of his kith and kin was near him at the time. He died at the J.J. Hospital. The shock was too much for me. I wept silently for days together. I prayed for his soul. In whom will I confide my sorrows? My husband and I had hardly any understanding or intimacy between us. He was absorbed in his own world. My life was meant only to do the duties of a mother and a wife....
Once again he left his job. I was expecting our second child. Guru was now four years. I even had to hide my tears from Guru Dutt. He knew if I was sad. He would hug me and try to please me with his sweet talk. My children have been my only consolation in life.
I had to write to my brother who was at Ahmedabad. He had a job as the Weaving Master in a cloth mill. His salary was meagre. My uncle was insane. My aunt (who had adopted my brother) was also there. My sister-in-law was ill. Yet, he sent me some money to go to Ahmedabad. I packed up our things, kept them at my cousin sister’s place, and we started for Ahmedabad in the month of September. The bus journey upto Hubli was tedious. I had my morning sickness too. My maternal cousin was at Dharwar. They were rich and had a large joint family. We were given a good welcome. I took Gurudutt to Sri Siddharood Swamiji. He was a much revered saint. He only uttered ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. I asked him humbly to bless Gurudutt. He kept his hand on his head and smiled. We stayed at Dharwar for a week and then proceeded to Bombay.
My paternal aunt was staying at Khar. She was very happy to see me. (She helped me to the last by sending clothes for us all). Her eldest son, Sunder, had tears in his eyes when he saw me. He remembered my sister who was engaged to him. They loved each other deeply. Unfortunately, she died at the age of fourteen. I lost two of my elder brothers too at that time. I also became seriously ill and was taken to the Gokuldas hospital. There was no hope of my surviving. I was in the hospital for three months. The doctor who was treating me said that even if I survived I would be abnormal and lose one of my senses. But, I had God’s mercy and the blessings of my elders. I got through the sickness.
At Ahmedabad, I was not at all happy. Due to my uncle’s insanity none could sleep well at night. My brother used to beat him whenever he became violent. These things hurt Gurudutt’s tender mind. He would keep awake and cry silently. My husband refused to take up any job. He wanted a high salary. He was intelligent, but he was proud. He would never take the advice of others. When I was completing the eighth month of my pregnancy, my brother asked us to go away, as he was unable to bear our responsibilities any more.
Gurudutt meanwhile had made friends with some medical students of the neighbourhood. He loved kites and balloons. Those students would take Guru to their rooms, buy him toys and sweets and generally entertain him. Guru picked up a few Gujarati words.
For Calcutta
In December, 1928 we left Ahmedabad for Calcutta by force of circumstances. Several times, my brother had tried to secure a job for my husband at Ahmedabad, but he had refused to accept any. The medical students felt sad at our parting. They brought snacksfor Gurudutt, and gave me Rs.25/-, telling me I could return it whenever it was convenient for me. My brother had bought the tickets, but I had no cash in hand. God sends help through some means or other. This is my personal experience. On the way, we had a difficult time due to the biting cold. We hadn’t enough clothes to wear. Somehow, we reached Calcutta.
My husband disliked Calcutta. But Fate has its own ways. We were compelled to stay in Calcutta for many years. At Calcutta after a month, my husband got a salesman’s job. My second baby boy was born in “Chitaranjan Seva Sadan.” Guru was very happy to get a brother. He would sit close to the baby and ask me many questions. He now stopped playing outside all the time. He would help me cradle the baby. He loved children. It was a great pleasure to him to watch the baby’s activities.
He had our one room home at Chandra Madhav Road. My Secunderabad cousin stayed upstairs. There was a huge park in front of the building. Guru would go to the park with his cousins early in the mornings and in the evenings. One Bengali gentleman who loved children taught them verses from Rabindranath Tagore. He used to teach them also various games and entertain them in other ways. My baby was named “Shashidhar”. He was smart, active and good looking. Upto seven months he was hale and hearty. During teething time the baby had convulsions without fever. We at home were inexperienced. It was too late when my cousin look the baby to Shambhunath Hospital. The child passed away soon after. Gurudutt was shocked He had high fever for a few days.
A month previous to this sad event, Guru had been admitted to a Municipal Hindi School. His father disliked Bengali schools. How excited Gurudutt was the first day he went to school! He returned home with a “Tilak” of sandalwood paste on his forehead. He threw his bag and hugged me and told me all about the school. Being sensitive he disliked the teacher’s rudeness towards children. So, Guru lost interest in his school. He would refuse to go to school again.
After baby Shashidhar’s death, we shifted to Paddapukur Road. Guru was saved from going to the Municipal School. I used to teach him at home.
1929 April: Every year, the Bengali “First Baishak Fair” was held at Paddapukur Road. People came to buy among other things various handmade toys of the villagers. There were various kinds of entertainments too. Gurudutt took delight in the mela. They staged plays, music, mimicry, etc. Gurudutt used to force me to take him there. I had to suppress my sorrow for my lost child, otherwise Guru would be silent, refuse his food and begin to shed tears.
Once, he put his fingers on the kitchen stove which had been put off only a few seconds before. He loved red colour. The red burner had attracted him. He just shouted ‘Ma’, when I rushed to him. He had blisters on his four fingers.
A new English school was started close to our house by a few South Indians. (This school later on became a High School. In the beginning there were only four students. Gradually the number increased and Gurudutt as well as his younger brother Atma went to this School. Guru appeared for his Matriculation examination from this same School.)
Gurudutt liked this school. He took active part in cricket, football and swimming and won several prizes in his secondary school classes.
In 1930 Atmaram was born. Once again Gurudutt was very happy to have a brother. After school hours, he would sit besides the baby and watch him. We stayed in this house for five years. Besides our house there was a huge open space, where Bengali Jatras were performed. These Jatras are like dramas without stage. They played themes from Ramayana and Mahabharat. Men used to take women’s part too then. The Jatra used to go on for the whole night. Guru would never miss the Jatra. By this time he could speak and understand Bengali. Sometimes, he used to imitate the actors in front of his younger brother making all sorts of gestures…. The child used to giggle and Gurudutt felt considerably elated at this. He would put powder on his face as make-up, wear a small piece of cloth like a dhoti or a saree, and speak, sing and act. He had a good voice. His childhood pranks made us all happy.
CHAPTER III
In 1932, Gurudutt got a baby sister. He looked after Atmaram when I was in the hospital. When I came home along with the baby girl, he was so excited, that he called his playmates to see the tiny baby. As usual he became friendly with one Mr Rudra who stayed upstairs. He was a bachelor. He taught Guru Mathematics and bought story books for him. He pleaded with us to send Gurudutt along with him during the holidays to Darjeeling! But every time his father refused. Guru was an understanding child. If we told him the consequences, good and bad of such outings, he would patiently listen, although he had a stubborn nature.
When Atmaram was four-years-old, Gurudutt used to take him to the school holding his hand. We once again shifted to Ashton Road as my brother who was staying there for several years had been transferred to Burma and did not want to give up the flat. We had three rooms and a kitchen there. On the opposite side there was a Kali temple. Gurudutt would visit the temple daily. During Durga puja festival, lots of people visited the temple. Guru would never miss such an occasion, but when goats were being sacrificed, he would return home.
There was also an open space in front of our flat, where Guru and his friends of different communities would play cricket and football. One Gujarati boy, Navin Udani, was his best friend. We had engaged a Hindustani male servant who had come from his native place. Within a week, that boy started getting high fever. Gurudutt, Atmaram and Lalitha used to sit on his mat and play together. On the third day, my cousin (Benegal) visited us. He saw the signs of small-pox on the servant’s face. He shouted at me for allowing the children to sit close to the servant. He took the servant to the hospital and got him admitted there. Being an uneducated village boy, he disliked the hospital and ran away from there. We could not trace him out anywhere.
1934: There was a severe earthquake in Calcutta, Bihar was the worst affected State. Guru and Atma were playing on the ground when the wall nearly collapsed noisily. Fortunately, none of the children was hurt. The children were so frightened that they had not the courage to move. Everything was rocking. In Calcutta, we often felt mild tremors. It was terrible.
Atmaram was a quiet, well-behaved child. Even in school, he was never spanked or shouted at by teachers. But he was timid and shy. Sometimes both the brothers fought, but it was Gurudutt who got the scolding, not Atmaram. Lalitha was gentle but she was very stubborn at times. Guru loved both of them. Lalitha was his favourite even in later years.
I remember the day Guru had to undergo an operation on his right foot. He would never wear sandals. Something pricked his foot. He did not care until the whole leg became swollen and he had fever. At last his father took him to the hospital where they took out the thorn without giving him any local anaesthetic. The doctor was surprised to see the endurance of the boy. He patted Guru’s back and said, “It was a hair’s-breath escape, my dear boy. Your foot was septic. Never go barefoot outside again!” Gurudutt obeyed him, and after this incident never allowed others to go out barefoot.
My brother got a transfer back to Calcutta. Once again we were forced to hunt for a house. At that time, flats were not easily available in Calcutta. We at last got a flat consisting of one room and a kitchen in one corner, and the bath in another corner. During this time, Gurudutt became involved in bad company. It was a South Indian boy named Venkat. He was a bad boy. He stole, abused people and roamed about in the city. At home he had a step-mother, who ill treated him. The result was the boy gave vent to his hard feelings by doing unsocial deeds. He was Guru’s classmate, but he was older then Guru. Gurudutt started coming home late. If taken to task, he would answer back defiantly. This turn in his nature was a warning to me. I tried to take him into confidence, but the more I tried to do so the more he would do what I disliked.
One day, Gurudutt took 10 rupees from his father’s purse without our knowledge. When I came to know of this I scolded him and gave him a good spanking. I felt bad and did not touch food that day. I told him I would continue to do so until he promised me, on oath, that he would never do such a thing again or tell a lie, and also that he would give up Venkat’s friendship once and for all. This went to his heart. He took the oath and from that day onwards he never told a lie. He gave up that boy’s company and became his same old self again.
We were always in financial difficulties. In those days children (at least mine) never made any demands. They were contended with whatever the parents gave them. Guru’s hobby was to collect books. He was a bookworm. I collected a few coins and encouraged him to buy second hand books. He started reading books from the age of 4 years. Toys which he liked were very cheap. It was not possible for us to buy expensive toys. He loved paper kites, tops and marbles. Later he himself made kites at home. Atma would assist him in this.
In 1935 during February, I needed complete rest. Once again I had to request my Ahmedabad brother, who was now the Mill Manager, to help me. He had two children. My uncle was dead. My aunt lived at Dharwar. My youngest brother was in Calcutta. He was studying.
Stay in Bombay
We came to Bombay to my brother-in-law’s place - Matunga. One of my nephews was getting married to another relative of mine. They forced us to stay with them. My husband too joined us later.
During our stay in Bombay I had a chance to see Uday Shanker’s dance. He had come to Bombay with his troupe. I got a pass through my cousin. Gurudutt wanted to come with me. It was impossible to take him, as the pass was only for two persons. He was disappointed. He wept a lot. Uday Shanker’s Tandav, Shiv Parvati and Indra dances appealed to me most. I was happy and thanked my cousin for giving me an occasion to see such superb dances.
When I returned home, Guru did not speak to me. He did not touch his food for three days. He promised me that he would also dance on the stage one day and show me.
We left for Ahmedabad and my husband left for Calcutta after a fortnight. Gurudutt used to go to the mill along with his uncle. He would ask a number of questions about his car. He also went to the mill to see the working of the machines. He visited every department. When the car was being repaired he would go and sit and watch it. He was interested in every kind of work although he was not very promising or bright in his studies. He was an average boy. It was my ambition that he should stand first in his class and get merit scholarships. He had a remarkable memory. Besides school books, he would read classics, dramas, poetry etc.
When we were in Ahmedabad my brother teased me saying that I did not write stories of my own. It was my husband who actually wrote them and they were published in my name. I was a sensitive person. I knew nothing about time. But I took a challenge and wrote a story ‘Jawani Ki Hawa’ for the films and showed it to him. While returning to Calcutta, we halted at Bombay. My brother gave an introduction letter to his friend one Mr Puthli, who was a friend of Chandulal Shah of Ranjit Studios. I somehow managed to meet Chaturbhuji Doshi and Chandulal along with Mr Puthli. They accepted my story. Gurudutt also was with me. We saw the shooting of a film for the first time. Miss Gohar featured in the film. She was the big star in those days.
During out stay in Bombay, I got also a chance to listen to Abdul Karim Khan and Hirabai Barodekar from close quarters. I love classical music. At that time there was no mike, or perhaps it was not used by prominent artistes. My Bombay trip was very exhilarating. We returned to Calcutta and stayed along with a relative until we secured a flat. My story was no doubt, accepted, but Kolhapur Movietone wanted me to make it short. I rewrote it and sent it on to them, but I never got a reply from them. I felt I should stop sending them reminders.
At Bholia Mansions, we had three rooms. It was an independent flat. Navin, Guru’s friend, used to stay on the second floor. Gurudutt was happy to shift to this flat.
I realised that I should start earning though I had not enough knowledge of English. My confidence in myself pushed me forward to get a good grounding in all the languages. I took to teaching, to earn something. My first students were Navin’s sister-in-law and aunt. They paid me Rs. 5/- each. What a joy it was to receive my first earning in life! By and by I got four tuitions.
There was one Mrs. Palekar who was a social worker. She started a Maternity Home under the guidance of Ramkrishna Mission. This was called ‘Shishu Mangal Prathistan’. She was a widow, and a great devotee of the Mission. She had plenty of money. (The same ‘Prathistan’ is in Bhawanipur, Lansdowne Road now. It prospered and was maintained very well, I believe.) At that time, nurses who worked in the ‘Prathistan’ had no knowledge of English. They engaged me to teach them the names of the drugs used and the instruments they handled. They paid me Rs. 15/- and the rickshaw fare.
got a few more tuitions. Among them was Mrs Bhandarkar who was a sweet girl. Most of the time, she would joke, gossip and would not learn anything. It was her husband, Mr Bhandarkar, who helped Gurudutt later on to get a scholarship to study dance at the Almora Centre.
Lalitha was admitted to the ‘Aryakanya Vidyalaya’. She disliked school. Everyday she would cry. The headmistress of that school assured me that if I passed matric privately, she would give me a job in her school.
I learnt that the Banares Hindu University allowed students to appear for the Matric exams privately, but one had to take music instead of Maths. I engaged Mr Purohit to teach me music. He played on the tabla. After the teacher left, Atma used to play on the tabla. My husband all of a sudden refused to send me to Banares to appear for the exams. I discontinued the music.
Gurudutt was in 7th standard. During this time, Mrs Palekar started medical classes. Non-matrics were allowed to appear for the LCPS Course in Campbell School of Medicine. Mrs Palekar persuaded students to undergo the course by paying them Rs. 10/- a month, as scholarship. I was tempted by this. I too joined the classes inspite of opposition at home. For six months everything went well. After that Mrs. Palekar stopped the scholarship. Those who had joined with me continued their classes. I was forced to discontinue. What a terrible blow it was to me. Among the staff, Dr Paul taught us Anatomy and Physiology. Dr. Barrat taught us Anatomy and Physiology. Dr Barrat taught us dispensing. Another old man taught us physics and chemistry. Twice I had a chance to go to Vidyasagar College for dissection.
Appearing for Matric was still haunting in my mind. In 1938 February, my fifth child was born in the same ‘Shishu Mangal Prathistan’. The other children were very happy to have a baby at home. Gurudutt could take care of the baby now. When the baby, Devidas was one-and-a-half months old, my husband became seriously ill. He was always lean and unhealthy. This time, doctors suspended it to be T.B. However it was proved that it was not T.B. He recovered after two months. Mr Benegal gave me a helping hand whenever I was in urgent need. We shifted to Mahendra Road, where the rooms were quite big and well ventilated.
In 1939, Gurudutt bought a lovely parrot and a cage. He would feed the parrot, clean the cage and try to teach him early in the morning to speak. We had engaged a servant named ‘Nando’. He had fields in his village. Gurudutt along with his cousin, Sudarshan, used to visit Nando’s village. It was a wonderful experience for him. He saw village life and folk dances. Whenever he had holidays he would go to the village. Nando helped Gurudutt in making firework materials at home, during Diwali. Guru’s interests were so many.
That year, Atmaram fell ill. He had a severe attack of Typhoid. I was working in Maharashtra Mandal, Guru and Nando took care of the children while I went to work.
Uday Shankar
Uday Shankar visited Calcutta several times. Each time Gurudutt would go and see his dance recitals through the influence of his uncle Mr Benegal, who was a commercial artist, and did publicity for Uday Shankar. We never knew that Gurudutt was studying dance by seeing Uday Shankar. Guru never missed good films too. He and Sudarshan were chums. We never mixed with the society. Our only entertainments were pictures, classical dances and Bengali plays. I had great confidence in Gurudutt that he would never go astray. Sudarshan, my nephew was studying art. They were always together.
In 1940, I took a tuition which paid well and in order to brush up my knowledge engaged an old man to teach me Elementary Maths, Geography and other subjects. A Bengali girl Miss Chatterji who had appeared for the Matric privately the previous year made friends with me. She helped me a lot. I appeared for the Matric after facing all sorts of obstructions. It was Guru who encouraged me most. He was proud of his mother. In between his school and sports he practised Shankar’s dances at his Uncle’s place. None of us knew about this.
When Guru gave a public performance along with Miss Amarjit Singh and got several prizes, then alone we came to know that he was learning dancing.
This girl started coming to our house. I never objected, as I was always broad-minded. After some time, her parents objected and Amarjit Singh never came to our house after that nor did we see her again. Gurudutt was a simpleton. He could never keep any secret from me.
One night, he came home and started vomiting. He had his first drink. He was too young to drink. A boy of 15 years. Already he was smoking bidis. Gurudutt was a problem child in spite of his qualities. I had to handle him very carefully. If anybody provoked him, he would immediately flare up. No one had any faith or confidence in him that he would be able to choose a proper career in his life. I trusted Guru. He had a short temper, no doubt, but he would soon repent if he made any mistake.
In 1941 Guru appeared for the Matric. I forced him to learn typing and get a job. He got a job in a factory. How happy and excited he was the day he got his first salary of Rs. 40/-. He bought presents for all of us, as well as for his favourite teacher. He liked cycling and wanted to buy one. He bought it on instalments. How many times he would clean it! From his salary he would keep some money for his personal expense and give the rest to me.
It was the time of Second World War. Everyone was anxious about the future. India was under British rule. Subhash Chandra Bose’s name was on everyone’s lips. The freedom fight was going on in full swing.
On May 6th, 1941, my last child was born in Mrs. Indira’s Maternity Home. (She was my colleague when I was studying medicine). The baby was named Vijay by Gurudutt because it was the time when Hitler captured Italy. So, Guru felt that ‘Vijay’ would be the proper name for the baby.
The war and rumours of bombing made us all panicky. My sister-in-law was in the Jadhavpur Hospital. I was working at Mrs Sowdamini Mehta’s (Mr G.L. Mehta’s) School. She was supposed to be a great social worker. But she did not pay me any salary for my confinement period although I had worked in her school until I had completed the eighth month of my pregnancy.
The school was situated in Bentinck Street. I had to change the tram twice to reach the school. In a huge room, different classes were held in the school.
At about the end of November, we got the news that the Japanese would disrupt our water supplies and bomb the civilians. Marwaris were already rushing to their native place. What a period of turmoil and confusion it was. Gurudutt refused to leave Calcutta. His office was in Calcutta. He loved adventures. He wanted to face the war in case it came to Calcutta. We had no place to go to. At Kanhangad which was in South Kanara, but now in Kerala, my husband’s elder brother had his Ashram called ‘Anandashram’. He had renounced the world in 1922 and taken to Sanyas. I was a great admirer of Ramdas, the name by which he was known after taking Sanyas. My mother, four children and myself started for Madras along with my cousin’s wife and her children.
The rush in the train was so much that the children had to jump inside the train from the windows in order to enter it. To reach Madras, we had to spend two nights and a day. It was a most excruciating journey. Everyone was panicky. No one knew what would happen the next moment. Our kith and kin we had left behind and their destiny was unknown. Only my faith in God gave me a little peace of mind. When we reached Madras the atmosphere was gloomy. Trenches were being dug everywhere. We could see Indian soldiers, with rifles and helmets. Even now, I shudder to think of those days.
At last, we reached the Ashram at Kanhangad on the west coast. We did not get a warm welcome which I expected. But we had no choice. I taught in the Ashram School, translated Ramdas’s letters into various languages as required by him and was generally helpful in the Ashram. Whatever money I got from my husband, I handed over to Mataji (mother) Krishnabai who handled the Ashram expenses. Hundreds of rich Gujarati families were devotees of Swami Ramdas and so the Ashram had enough of funds. Our contribution was very small, and there were many people whom the Ashram fed.
Dance Centre
In Calcutta, Gurudutt, got a Scholarship of Rs. 75/- to go and study dance at Uday Shankar’s Dance Centre at Almora through the efforts of Mr Benegal, Mr Hemmadi and Mr Bhandarkar. He left for Almora and I thanked God for it. My husband’s office (Burmah-Shell) was transferred to Bombay. He was in the head office. What a relief it was to me! Calcutta was bombed, and it seems one of the bombs fell just behind our premises there killing several people. All our furniture, precious books, utensils, everything had been left at Calcutta.
I was criticised by the Ashramites for sending Gurudutt to Uday Shankar’s Almora Dance Centre. People those days had great contempt for dance, stage and films. They looked down on art of any kind. I kept quiet. Sometimes I felt nervous as I did not know what Gurudutt’s future would be. Those who helped him to join the Centre, had high hopes of him. They wanted Guru to shine in his life. At that time, Uday Shankar’s dance Centre was at the peak of success and popularity.
The climate at Almora was superb, and so was the atmosphere in the Centre. Famous artistes like Allauddin Khan, his son Ali Akbar, Ravi Shankar, Shanthi Burdan, Kathakali exponents Guru Shankaran Nair, Simki etc., were all there. For each type of Dance well-known Gurus were appointed. Manipuri, Bharata Natyam, Kathak were all taught there. Uday Shankar had a vast knowledge of dance, both Indian and Western and he used to compose his own styles of dances. The whole unit had cooperation, understanding and the spirit of unity. It was like a huge joint family where there was no caste or creed. The students had to maintain strict discipline. They had to do Yoga exercises. They had to create their own Dance themes. They had to stitch their own costumes, put on make-up themselves, and do all the necessary work on the stage. Self discipline, self reliance was the main object. So Guru got a good foundation, especially at that adolescent stage. Everyone liked him. He was the youngest student there. Uday Shankar treated him as his own son. He was his pet. Guru too had the highest regard for his Guru.
He wrote to me every week, and the letters took seven days to reach me. In the Ashram I was all the time thinking of him. That was the first time when we were separated from each other.
Gurudutt’s letters were full of details of all that was taking place there. I could visualise everything from his letters. Sometimes he would ask me for recipies. He cooked his own food. (It was a hobby of his even in later years.) Guru felt our separation very much, although he was busy with his own work and was happy.
Here, at the Ashram Swami Ramdas treated us well. He would play with Vijay, my youngest son as he loved children very much. There were bhajans twice a day. Many devotees came from Bombay. They would bring new clothes, fruits, sweets, etc. But, we could not do so. This hurt me. Mataji was generous, kind and good-hearted. But she had a bad temper and she believed others’ tales. There were all sorts of people in the Ashram. Some felt jealous of our long stay. I used to bring books and papers to read from the Ashram library. Some people objected. I could not follow the blind faith of others. They would do pranam every time they saw Mataji or Swami Ramdas. They would wait to get the food remaining from Mataji and Ramdas’s plates. I have been always straightforward.
Atmaram could not continue his studies at Kanhangad. There was no school of his standard there. At last, I sent him to my niece’s place at Mangalore to stay with great difficulty. He joined the school Lalli used to attend, the Harijan School. Devi was at home, he was mischievous.
One day, he along with Rajani, a girl of his age (3) did some mischief and Mataji gave them a severe punishment. She made them stand in the hot sun where all the filth used to accumulate. I was very angry for this rudeness. Already I was frustrated and feeling like leaving the ashram. I had applied for a teacher’s post in Mangalore. It was a question of starting a home with four children, mother and myself. My letters were censored in the Ashram. Mataji was suspicious by nature. Once she abused me in front of many visitors and said that I did not want to join my husband. Instead, I wanted to live separate. I could not tolerate her taunts and insults. Because my husband’s salary was insufficient, he was hesitating to take the family to Bombay.
esperately, I decided to stay at Wardha, where Gandhiji had his ashram. I could work there in the school. So, we started on the 9th August 1942. It was the day of “Do or Die” agitation. We were not allowed to proceed further at Chickmagalore as it was the hartal day. After appealing to the volunteers they allowed the bus to go. We had to change at Hubli as well as at Poona to come to Bombay. At Poona we could get the connection train. So, we had to stay at Poona in the home of a distant relative. My niece was also with me. She was going to join her husband in Bombay. The next morning, we started for Bombay from Poona.
At Dadar, my husband had not come to receive us. In a hurry to get down from the train, I left my trunk in the train. It was full of children’s dresses and a few ornaments of Lalitha. My niece’s husband at once took the local train to VT and somehow got my trunk from the lost property room. I was thankful to him. They left for their destination. My husband had taken leave to receive us, but he was too lazy to come to the station.
My nephew’s wife (Swami Ramdas’s daughter) had gone to the Ashram for confinement. So we stayed at their place for two weeks. I was new to Bombay. I started hunting for a flat. As it was war time the Australian soldiers were having a free time in Bombay People were fleeing from Bombay and many beautiful flats were vacant. We could see “To let” boards everywhere. At last we got a three room flat. We shifted to the flat, which was a little away from the main road.
My first task was to get Atma and Lalitha admitted to school. I started looking for a job. I had no testimonials or certificates of previous experience. In every school, I had to hear insults as I had neither a recommendation nor any testimonials. Fortunately, within two weeks, I got a decent tuition at Mr Naha’s place. I was happy that I got a chance to speak in Bengali. The boy was bright. I liked this tuition.
1942 December: Almora had snowfall. So, the centre was closed. The troup came to Bombay. How happy I was to see Gurudutt after one year! He looked handsome, charming with his long hair. He was a youth of seventeen years. We both had tears of joy in our eyes. All the brothers as well as his sister surrounded him and would not allow him to speak to me. He had no permsision to stay at home until their shows were over. Guru stayed at home for two days and left to join the troup.
How excited and thrilled I was to see Gurudutt’s Swan Dance! It was composed and choreographed by Guru himself. His partner was an UP girl, named Rani. The audience greeted the dance with applause. Other dances too were equally good, performed by the students. I got a second chance to see Uday Shankar’s Tandav along with his partner Simki, as well as his other well-known performances. Mr Vishandas Shirali (the Music director) played Tabla tarang. Those Sanskrit verses (slokas) were inspiring. The ancient drums, the costumes of those times, the headgear (Kirit) etc., moved me so much that it was like heavenly bliss. Uday Shankar’s new venture was the Ram-Leela shadow play. This was an open air show. It was impressive and beautiful. Sachin Shankar (Uday’s cousin) was Rama, and Guru was Lakshman. Sita was one of the students. Simki did Kaikayi as well as Tataka. This show was meant mostly for the ordinary masses. Later, the troup toured Gujarat, UP and Maharashtra upto 1943 March.
Guru was very helpful to me during his stay at home. I got a teacher’s job at Sitaram Poddar School, which was far away from Matunga. Guru used to look after Vijay, cook in the evenings as I had taken a tuition at Walkeshwar and was returning late in the evenings. Vijay was two years old. He was trying to utter a few words. He could walk a little. Guru could never sit idle. He would bring books on classical dances, art and literature and study them. He had a fine taste and good knowledge in various subjects.
We used to discuss about our future and exchange ideas mostly in the nights. That was the only time we spoke, as I was working during the day. Gurudutt would describe graphically to us his experiences as Almora and at the Centre. How soon the end of March came! Gurudutt had to return to Almora. We engaged an elderly lady as a cook, and to look after Vijay.
I felt lonely and missed Guru. How could he stay there for long? He had still to complete four more years there. I used to send him Rs. 5/- every month as his pocket money. His Scholarship was insufficient for his personal expenses, Almora being an expensive hill station he could not also earn by any other means. How happy and thankful he used to be to get even the paltry sum of Rs. 5/-. In later years, he earned lakhs but, he used to say that those Rs. 5/- I used to send to him were more precious than all his later earnings.
In 1944 the ration scheme came into force. Before, it had been difficult to get the necessary commodities. The war was on. Life was uncertain. At Sitaram Poddar School, one Mrs Chari who was the Principal was very strict in her work. Otherwise, she would treat all the teachers as friends. She would fight with the committee for the good of the teachers. So, she became unpopular with the school authorities. She was a communist. She would supply rice, sugar and wheat to all the teachers. Before rationing was introduced, people could not get these things in the open market. The rumours about war were threatening. I had decided that even if evacuation took place, we would not step out of Bombay. We had bitter experiences of going from place to place. Guru regularly wrote letters. Life in Bombay was difficult, but I never used to write about this to Gurudutt. In the Centre unnecessary misunderstandings seem to have taken place between Uday Shankar and Simki, when Amla joined the centre. Guru used to inform me of everything taking place there.
Guru Returns
In 1944, once again during the winter the troup visited Bombay with many new and original dance performances. But the students had lost their former zeal and enthusiasm. During this time, Gurudutt used to go to Sushila Rani’s (Mrs Baburao Patel) often. Her sister Sumathi was Gurudutt’s classmate at the centre. She was older than him. They all liked Gurudutt. His sincerity and affectionate nature was liked by all of them. They were three sisters but had no brother. So, they treated Guru as a brother. Sushila was working with Baburao Patel as his secretary then. He started his picture Draupadi in which Sushila was the heroine. Gradually, Sushila and Baburao fell in love. There was a big difference between their ages. They got married. Mr Patel never liked or cared for the criticism of others. He had a way of his own.
I remember the day we went to see Ramrajya. In those days there was no queue system or order. We al had to buy tickets by paying double rates. We had to rush inside like a flock of sheep, to get a seat. We sat on the second row with great difficulty, very close to the screen. The picture was superb. Gurudutt went to good movies. The rates were low. He and I went mostly together. He used to note down whatever he saw and show it to me. His sharp memory and keen observations perhaps helped him greatly in later life.
Once again, Gurudutt returned to Almora, but within a few months we had the news that the centre was to be closed as the funds from abroad had stopped. Uday Shankar married Amala and Simki married Prabhat, one of the students. One evening Guru returned with three of his colleagues with bag and baggage. Uday Shankar too came. I went and met him. He didn’t want to lose Gurudutt. He persuaded me to spare Guru for him but I refused. We were all keenly disappointed at the turn of events. The poor students did not know what they would do in future. They were all depressed. Anandi, Moni and Ghanashyam were at our place for two months. K.K. Shetty started his dance classes. Ravi Shankar, Shanthi Burdan Abani and many other artists took a flat at Borivili and started a new life. They started the I.N.T. groupp and gave many dance performances. The best was their Discovery of India based on the book written by Jawaharlal Nehru. This dance drama was a great success.
CHAPTER IV
Gurudutt did not want to take up any job other thanone in the artistic line. At last my cousin and artist, Mr Benegal, introduced Gurudutt to Mr Baburao Pai who was a partner in Prabhat Pictures, Poona. Mr Pai was Benegal’s friend. Immediately he appointed Gurudutt as a Dance Director in the Film Company on a three year’s contract.
It was a great relief to me. I was worried and depressed about Gurudutt’s future until he got this job. Relatives got a chance to criticise us. So Gurudutt took to the cinema as a profession and thus his whole life changed.
Gurudutt was happy to get the job. After some time Dev Anand too joined Prabhat. Dev was four years older than Gurudutt. He came from a good family. He was a graduate and a cultured person. Gurudutt and Dev became very friendly. Guru was a favourite of everybody at Prabhat Studios. He was given a chance to act in Lakharani in 1945. He had a small role in Chand. In Hum Ek Hai, Dev, Gurudutt and Resham acted together. Sapru also was in this film. P.L. Santoshi directed this picture. Gurudutt was the dance director as well as an assistant to P.L. Santoshi.
eing a dance director, Guru came into contact with Manju and her sister Vijaya. This girl Vijaya became very friendly with Gurudutt. I visited Guru often, but I did not have any inkling of the things.
During Ganesh Puja, Gurudutt gave us a surprise visit. He came along with Vijaya just when the puja was going on. They both came and touched my feet. Gurudutt introduced her to me as my future daughter-in-law. I was happy to hear this. I wanted Guru to marry soon. We all treated her as a family member.
They left Bombay the same evening. I was building castles in the air.
Next morning I received a wire from Mr Khajigiwala, a prominent advocate of Poona, saying that Gurudutt had eloped with Vijaya and he would take legal action against him. I could not believe this. I started for Poona by the night train as I had school work during the day. Gurudutt was in the studio. I went to his hostel. His room was locked. I asked the servant to get two chairs for me to lie down. I waited for Gurudutt. He returned from the shooting at 5 a.m. He was surprised to see me there at that time. As usual, he gave me a broad smile. I showed him the wire. I was boiling with rage. He smiled and said, “Ma why are you so upset? That Khajigiwala is not to be trusted. He is threatening you all. He cannot do any harm to me.” I always trusted Guru. He was very close to me. I had to return the very next day to do my work in the school.
Mrs Khajigiwala visited us several times to get our permission for Guru’s and Vijaya’s wedding. Gurudutt being underage, parent’s consent was essential. Later it was rumoured that Vijaya was Khajigiwala’s mistress. His wife was jealous and wanted to separate Vijaya from her husband. She played all sorts of tricks to persuade us to consent to the marriage but my faith in God always protected us.
One Mr Ananth Rao who was friendly with Gurudutt came to our rescue. The wedding date was fixed and announced in a Marathi daily paper without the parents’ permission. Mr Ananth Rao advised me to take Gurudutt to Bombay immediately. Somehow the crisis was over. Everything cooled down. But I was always feeling scared about Gurudutt’s life. I was afraid that Mr Khajigiwala might take his revenge against Gurudutt some day. He was an influential person.
I thought, that it was better if Guru got married to somebody to save him from further such calamities. So I chose my Hyderabad cousin’s daughter for him. He too saw the girl and agreed to marry her. She was dark complexioned and a year younger than Guru. But,she was like him, affectionate and gentle.
The parents came to Bombay along with the girl to fix the date of marriage. On their way they stayed at Poona. Gurudutt had shifted to Vimla Vasist’s flat. Both Guru and Suvarna the girl, were writing letters to each other. Suddenly, they stopped all correspondence and connections with us, and fixed the girl’s marriage with another boy. Later on I found out the reason.
Gurudutt was always sincere and frank. He admitted whatever faults he had. I believe, he wrote to his uncle, Suvarna’s father, all that happened in the past, to avoid misunderstandings after marriage. Perhaps they lost confidence in Gurudutt. We had that black spot of filmline, as its reputation was bad at that time.
This incident hurt Gurudutt much. He never showed his feelings to anybody. But I could make it out. The disappointment was too much for both of us.
Meanwhile, I thought that it would be better if Gurudutt stayed with us. I met Mr Baburao Pai in person and told him all that had happened and requested him to bring Guru to Bombay as he had started his own concern. Prabhat’s contract was over. He agreed and asked Gurudutt to join him.


Prabhat Studios
Gurudutt worked under Mr Banerjee as an assistant director. At Prabhat, Vishram Bedekar had given him a chance to assist him, when he found out Gurudutt’s interest and ability in direction. Mr Pai knew this. Unfortunately, this picture Mohan did not get a release, probably for political reasons. Gurudutt knocked at many studios to get a chance by meeting several well-known producers. He even went to Madras to Gemini Studios and others. During this period of struggle and stress he wrote the Pyaasa story. It was mostly his own experience. Its original name ‘was Kashmakash which was changed later to Pyaasa.
Atmaram was in Calcutta. He had finished his Senior Cambridge examination. He got high marks in it. His old School (St. Lawrence School) Principal, who had high impression about him advised him to join their College for 2nd year Science. Those who got 1st Class had to return to Bombay, as the riots in Calcutta were taking a heavy toll of human life. My cousin (Benegal) stayed in a Muslim area. He did not want to keep Atmaram there and take the risk. So, he sent him back to Bombay.
We had a very tough time. Guru was without a job for ten months. Atmaram could not continue his studies. His education had forcibly come to a stop. He was desperate too. He took a job at ‘Free Press’ as journalist. He had to work in other places too as a part-time worker to make both ends meet.
At last Amiya Chakravorthy gave a chance to Gurudutt to work under him as an assistant director. The film was Girls School. After this, he joined Gyan Mukherjee who had started the picture Sangram as an assistant. Gurudutt under Gyan Mukherjee gained a lot of knowledge of the film industry. He had great admiration for Mr Mukherjee.
Soon after, Dev Anand offered him a chance to work in Navketan as a director. When both of them were staying together in Poona they had promised each other that whoever got a chance first should help the other. Dev kept his promise. He had become a successful actor and had started ‘Navketan’ productions along with his brother Chetan. Chetan had no confidence in Gurudutt. Dev was firm about his promise and gave a chance to Gurudutt. Thus Gurudutt’s real career started.
CHAPTER V
Gurudutt often had misunderstandings with Chetan, but Dev always took Guru’s side. Once it so happened that Guru was about to resign, but Dev prevented him from doing so and thus Baazi Guru’s first picture started. S.D. Burman gave music. Balraj Sahni, wrote the script. Geeta Roy and Mohammad Rafi were the playback singers. Geeta took the second place.
On the muhurat day, Geeta sang her first song ‘Tadbeerse bigdi hui tagdir banade...’. I remember that day which left a deep impress on my mind. Her sweet voice remained like a haunting tune. She started coming to our place. What an excitement that was to us as well as the others at home. Lalitha became at once very friendly with her. We used to escort her back home whenever she came to our place. Every time she came I used to ask her to sing Bengali songs. Both Guru and I had a deep attachment for the Bengali language as well as the Bengali people. Geeta would sometimes help me in the kitchen. She won our hearts by her charm and behaviour.
By and by Guru and Geeta came closer to each other. He would ask Geeta to sing the song ‘Tumi jodi bolo bhalo bhasha dite janona...’. Lalitha helped them exchange love-letters. They took her wherever they went. Her people did not know anything about their meetings, she would say to us.
In 1951, Baazi was released and Gurudutt was recognised as a good director. Both Dev Anand and Geeta Bali acted very well in this film. Gurudutt did not like my working in school. He said, “you have toiled and sacrificed enough for us. It is time for you to retire,” So, I left my job.
Gurudutt wanted to marry Geeta. He put the proposal before her parents when they came to know about their affair. They just put off the matter for full two years. Once Guru was furious when he heard that Geeta had another friend too who was a Bengali. I can recollect the incident clearly. It was a rainy day. Gurudutt took Geeta to Haji Malang. It is the tomb of a saint on a high hill near Kalyan, a place thirty miles away from Bombay. People believed that if a person prays there, his wishes will be fulfilled. I believe Gurudutt asked Geeta to make up her mind either to choose him or the Bengali boy and not to play with his sentiments. She chose Gurudutt.
Atmaram too had a friend. She was his classmate as well as a Bharatnatyam dancer. She was a Saraswat. Atma used to accompany her whenever she had to give a dance performance.
I was worried about Lalitha. She was doing her commercial art. We believed that fine arts gave no scope to earn. I wanted her to be an earning person before she married someone of her choice and settled down. I had the wrong impression that only love marriages bring success and happiness in married life. When these two boys were absorbed in their friends I felt it was better if Lalitha too got married. But I had no courage to express my thoughts to anybody.
At this time we enjoyed many picnics and outings with Gurudutt, Geeta, Dev and his sisters. We were like one family.
Once we all including Mr & Mrs Burman, Raj Khosla (Gurudutt’s assistant) went to Lonavla for a picnic. We had great fun there. We went to Poona to spend the night and returned the next day to Bombay.
Geeta’s people were against the announcement of Guru and Geeta’s engagement. Gurudutt became desperate. He was stubborn. Meanwhile I went to Dharwar along with the younger children during the Diwali vacations. It was a pleasant place. Uncle had a big bungalow. I saw my uncle after nearly twenty-five years. My uncle’s daughter Damayanti who had lost her mother in childhood, became very friendly with me and Lalitha.
The negotiations of her wedding were going on. She went to their astrologer along with Lalli. Perhaps, he could find out the near future by face reading. He predicted, as soon as he saw Lalitha’s face, that she would get married soon. She showed him her palm. He said that she would discontinue her art temporarily but in later years, she would become a famous artist. Lalitha came home and told me all that he said. I was furious - Lalitha’s marriage... discontinuing her art classes... It was impossible, in my opinion.
1951: After Baazi was released Gurudutt joined Film Arts. He himself wrote the story of Jaal. The background being the Konkan scene. The unit went to Malwan. S.D. Burman had to study Goanese tunes, Jaal also was a fine picture. Mr Burman gave splendid music for it.
After Baazi, Gurudutt had many offers to direct films. Our flat was small and we could not get a better one in Matunga. It was awkward to welcome people in our small flat. So he wanted to shift to Khar, where he got a bigger flat. I did not want to leave our flat, but Gurudutt would not allow me. I was very much disturbed at this time. At last, I agreed to go and we shifted to 12th Road, Khar, but I did not give up our old flat in Matunga.
The Consent
Before shifting, Gurudutt managed to get the consent of Geeta’s people for the engagement ceremony. We performed the engagement on a grand scale at Poddar College, Matunga. Lalitha had a proposal from one of my mother’s relatives, Mr Gopalkrishna Lajmi, who was a Captain in the Merchant Navy. All his relatives had a good opinion about our family. Moreover, Mr Lajmi was Atma’s close friend, but he never came to our house, nor did we know about their friendship. So the engagement was fixed. Lalli was hesitant. She ultimately consented to marry him. This engagement too was performed at Palamkote Hall.
Gurudutt’s financial position was not too good then but he never failed in his duties towards the family. Lalitha was his pet. He would buy something or the other every month for her. He kept some money with her secretly for emergency lest I might spend it!
After shifting to Khar, he started his own company in partnership with Geeta Bali’s sister: H.G. Films. This time he had to choose the background of the film on (Portuguese) Goa. As the big actors had problems of dates, Guru himself acted along with Geeta Bali. Thus his acting career began. He was nervous at first. But he had the confidence that he would succeed. The picture flopped, but the music was a hit. Gradually, Gurudutt slipped away from me. He was all the time busy with his work. We hardly had any occasion to sit quietly and talk. I felt this very much. But due to the circumstances of his work, I hadn’t the courage to ask him.
At times, both Gurudutt and Geeta used to have misunderstandings and she would not visit us for days together. Gurudutt would get upset. He would come home late at night, worried and disturbed in mind. He never spoke to anybody. His father and Atma were staying at our old flat in Matunga. I used to send them their meals from Khar. Atmaram had joined Gurudutt.
Gurudutt had a short temper. He would flare up very fast. If no one answered back or tried to make things clearer, he would cool down within a short time and soon repent. At that time he would come close to me, tell me about his studio, work etc. Being hyper-sensitive, I could make out his feelings and he too could find out my worry or moods, from my appearance. So I had to be alert always. He was everything to me in life. I knew his weaknesses as well as virtues. I dared not open my mouth.
He knew that I was missing something. He bought a beautiful golden retriever pup and named him Tony. (The name of Dev in Jaal). He gave the pup to me and said “Ma, you feel lonely, isn’t it? Look after Tony”.
If he had any money he would spend it lavishly. He paid Rs. 300/- for the pup! I tried not to say that it was too expensive.
Devidas and Vijaya had changed their schools. They were very happy to have the pup. Devi would teach Tony how to behave. It was a beautiful, dutiful dog. He obeyed me most. We wanted Lalitha to get married in December 1952. There were financial troubles. But Gurudutt did not want to postpone the wedding. Mr Lajmi’s people also were eager. He had a shore job by then.
Those days Gurudutt spent most of his time with Geeta. Lalitha’s wedding was very close. Gurudutt Films Private Ltd. was started as H.G. Films had closed. Atma did his B.A. and also worked at Gurudutt Films. As Guru could not continue his studies, he wanted his brother to study hard. Unfortunately his younger brothers neglected their studies, ever since the glamour of film industry and film status peeped inside our house. Gurudutt took me to task whenever they neglected their studies.
I decided myself that it would be better to send the boys to a boarding school after their sister’s wedding was over. I sometimes felt that the days of our past struggle for existence were far better than the present ones.
Then a funny incident occurred. Guru brought a planchette from one of his friends. Devidas was the medium. Guru called his old friend Sumathi who had passed away some time back, and we took delight in asking questions. My father’s spirit too had come once, he said that Tony was my lost child Shashidhar. He was reborn, that is why he loves me most. Sumathi’s directions of her re-birth could not be traced, although she had given us all the instructions. It was ridiculous to believe the planchette, we felt.
I was busy making preparations for Lalli’s wedding. Geeta helped me with the shopping. Her goldsmith agreed to do the ornaments on instalments. I booked Palamkote Hall (Matunga) and fixed everything else needed for the wedding. What an exciting time it was! It was the first wedding in our family. Gurudutt arranged cars and finance. There were restrictions for giving lunch. But I managed somehow to feed the wedding guests with my brother’s help at our old flat. All our relatives participated in the wedding. But my health, which was already failing, became worse due to strain. I had some uterus trouble but I did not tell this to anybody. Both Guru as well as Atma were busy with their fiancees!
The Wedding
On the 16th January, 1953, I got a wire from Poona that my sister-in-law breathed her last and my presence was absolutely necessary. I went. My brother had been on tour and only the children were at home. As soon as he returned, all the rituals took place, and I returned after staying there for three days. The train journey as well as the mental shock affected my poor health. I was taken to the Gynaecologist who advised operation immediately. Gurudutt’s wedding date was fixed. Invitation cards were printed. I pressed Gurudutt not to postpone his wedding but he refused, saying that “Ma, how could you think that I would get married when you are ill? Without your presence it is not possible for me to get married.”
Somehow, I had an intuition that Guru and Geeta’s marriage would never be a happy one. Firstly, in those days, she earned in thousands whereas Guru’s income was limited compared to hers. Secondly, both were stubborn, would never yield to one another. Thirdly, Guru had a burden of responsibilities over his shoulders. Guru’s short temper only a few could understand. He would hardly show his emotions. He never liked show, glamour and people’s praises or condemnations. At times, it was difficult to find out his moods. He would suddenly change his ideas.
Geeta was generous and affectionate like Gurudutt. Being the bread-winner in the family she was pampered and looked upon as a goddess. Her word in certain matters had to be carried out in her house. But her parents never allowed her to spend without their permission. She was also under certain restrictions. Her people never tried to understand her.
The occasional clashes between Guru and Geeta gave me a warning. Several times I tried to raise the topic with Gurudutt with courage. But his answer was, “Ma, you know I love Geeta. I am a person who never breaks my promise. I have given her the promise. No one can change me. After all it is one’s destiny.”
Guru’s Aar Paar was released and it was a good, successful socio-comedy. Guru and Shyama were the hero and heroine. Guru gave a chance to Abrar Alvi in this picture. They became good friends in later years. For music he engaged O.P. Nayyar. He gave chances to many newcomers. May 26, 1953 was fixed for Gurudutt’s wedding. This time Lalitha had undergone an operation for appendicitis. But Dr Mirajker allowed her to attend the wedding as the operation had taken place two weeks earlier.
I welcomed my first daughter-in-law by performing ‘Bow Bhatth’ according to our customs. With great pomp the wedding took place! It was the film industry’s sensation at the time. The public as well as the relatives were saying that Gurudutt married Geeta because of her wealth and her big name in the industry. After ‘Bow Bhatth’ Geeta stayed at our place. I prayed to God for their long life, prosperity, health and happiness every day.
Gurudutt had never any yearning for wealth as such. I think he never even glanced at Geeta’s jewellery. In spite of his earlier hardships he never wanted to hoard money. He had already bought a two-seater sports car. He would not interfere with Geeta’s earnings not would he ask her how she spent her money. Geeta was her own mistress. She did not help her parents and relatives as before, but started spending lavishly on herself. Many became her friends and their influence spoiled Geeta. They were not her well-wishers. Their flattery made Geeta happy. Gurudutt disliked all this. He warned her to be sensible. But Geeta did not pay any attention to his words. Thus the clash between them was inevitable.
On July 9, 1954 which was Guru’s birthday, a son was born to them. They had wished for a girl. It was a great disappointment for them. I was very happy to get a grandson. Geeta sang in all Guru’s films. Her melodious voice suited most of the heroines. She had a lovely figure and an attractive, charming face although her complexion was dark. Good features in a woman are admired by all. She had little education, but she learnt at home with the help of a tutor. She was intelligent and could grasp things easily.
After Tarun’s (Guru’s first son) birthday, everything went on smoothly. The tussle was still there, but Gurudutt loved his son whenever he found time, he and Geeta were happy at times. Among his children, Tarun was his favourite.
We shifted to 16th Road, Khar, where we had a spacious house with five rooms. He bought some land at Lonavla to do farming. There he built a cosy two-room flat with all facilities for comfortable living. He loved a quiet life. Whenever he felt depressed or had time on his hands, he used to go there and spend a few days. Sometimes he went there with his script writer also. A couple was engaged to look after the farm. He would ask them to prepare bajra roti and hot chutney which he loved. Sometimes he himself would cook ‘Khichdi ‘serve the workers and himself. Geeta was fond of glamour and publicity. She hardly liked staying at Lonavla. They always differed in their tastes and opinions, but sometimes they patched up their disagreements.
At times, their quarrels were so furious that I would doubt whether they would continue to live together and have a normal life.
In 1955, Gurudutt started his next film “Mr & Mrs 55”. The heroine was Madhubala and Gurudutt himself played the hero. It was also a semi-comedy and became a hit. He was always busy with new experiments. He once thought of making a film with three short stories. But others discouraged him. He signed many artists, bought various stories from prominent writers but later he discarded them and thus wasted lot of money. The slightest mistake or overacting irritated him. During office hours, and shooting times he was very strict. There would be pin-drop silence. Nobody would dare utter a word. Otherwise, he treated everybody, high and low, alike in the studio. He always discussed his views with others but would ultimately use his own discretion. Music, acting, technique as well as camerawork, he himself would supervise, so as to obtain perfect results.
Guru had a soft corner for all his staff members as well as the studio workers. He looked after their welfare. He would pay their salaries first and then only bring money for household expenses. He gave bonus to the workers whenever a film did well.
Many poor students were fed at home. They were given all other facilities such as books, fees and clothes.
CHAPTER VI
In 1956, Arun, Gurudutt’s second son was born. Arun was a lovely child. Very fair with curly hair and big eyes. He looked like his father, but the baby could not breathe properly. We had given up all hopes of his living. However he survived.
After Mr & Mrs 55 Gurudutt went to Hyderabad for the release of the film. There he saw Waheeda Rehman’s dance in a Telugu picture, Rojulu Maarayee. He found talent in this girl and this attracted him. He tried to engage her for his films but her mother objected. However, she gave her consent later, and Waheeda Rehman signed a contract with Gurudutt for three years, with certain clauses to her advantage. She was at that time seventeen-years-old. Oppositions came from many quarters but Gurudutt had his way. Thus Waheeda came to the limelight. Though not many people had confidence in her, Gurudutt was firm. He took a challenge and shaped Waheeda into a beautiful screen star. C.I.D. was her first picture. Guru gave a chance to Raj Khosla to direct this picture, but guided him in everything. The public liked Waheeda’s acting. Gurudutt believed in team work, and he said that there must be mutual understanding for creative work.
Geeta was by nature jealous and temperamental. Her so-called well-wishers provoked her by exaggerating the studio news. She used to pay attention to such people. Thus, the misunderstanding between Gurudutt and Geeta increased. Gurudutt’s sensitive mind was always distressed. He would convince Geeta about the real position. But she ignored his words.
Gurudutt loved classical music. He once invited Akhtari Bai to his residence and only music lovers were invited for the concert. It was an experience to listen to that great singer.
Gurudutt bought a large property with a hundred year old building in it, by spending lakhs of rupees. His next venture was Pyaasa the story for which he had written during his years of struggle.
When this picture was released it became a big hit. The trend in his filmmaking suddenly changed. He began to pay more attention to the artistic values of a film than to its commercial side. Consequently he was not sure of its success until it was released. The story was based on real life in which he expressed his own experiences. S.D. Burman’s music, Sahir Ludhianvi’s lyrics, Waheeda’s acting, as well as Guru’s direction and acting in it, brought great success and fame to Gurudutt. He was recognised as a good filmmaker. After that he got many offers from other producers. But he did not want to accept any of them at that time.
The bungalow at Pali Hill was shaped into a beautiful house with a big garden, and a lawn in front. From upstairs the whole area looked lovely on the western side from where the sea and sunset could be seen. He bought different kinds of dogs, lovely birds, a Siamese cat, two pairs of hares, a monkey and even a tiger cub. (The cub had to be given to the zoo as it once tried to bite Arun).
Guru brought two big cows. Then he purchased a cock and hen of English breed. He wanted to start a poultry farm. Unfortunately, there was no one to take care of these things. Geeta was not the homely type. I was forced to stay in our old flat due to my illness. The children were too young. The servants neglected the animals. Gurudutt being busy could not pay attention to his own home. His work increased as he became more and more popular.
I often felt nervous at his success. Some people were jealous of him and his success. I felt scared for his life. Personally he had no enemies. But life is not always as smooth as we think.
Guru wanted to make at least one Bengali film. He had a great number of Bengali novels with him. He loved the beauty of the language. He was self-taught. His favourite authors were Bernard Shaw, Shakespeare, Dickens, Emile Zola, Steinbeck and Tolstoy. In Bengali he had almost all the poetic works of Tagore, Sharat Chandra’s novels and the books by contemporary authors.
In Hindi, Premchand, Kabir and Rahul Sankrityayan were his favourite writers. In Sanskrit too he had Kalidas’s complete works, Chanakya and many other books. The Gorakhpur press people presented him with religious books such as Mahabharatha, Bhagwad Gita, Ramayana, etc. In Urdu he had many books by different authors, mostly poetry. He loved the Koran. He could read Urdu. Whenever he got time, he would read a book thoroughly. Before making a picture he would go through the story and script several times before starting the work.
Gurudutt wrote his own stories for picturisation. Among them are Pyaasa, Aar Paar, Baazi, Kaagaz Ke Phool, Mr & Mrs 55, Jaal and lastly he wrote Gouri. It was a story of a sculptor. For this film he took the hero’s part and took Geeta as his heroine. He stayed in Calcutta with the family to study the people and their customs and traditions.
The picture was started. A few reels were done. He engaged a special sculptor to make an image of Durga. Suddenly, no one knew what happened. Geeta refused to work in the film. If the film had been completed, it would have been a good production. Gurudutt was completely broken by the shock of having to discontinue the film. For one week he disappeared and no one could trace him.
At last he got over the shock. He suffered a loss of over Rs. 40,000/- on this picture. He lost his enthusiasm for direction. His assistant Niranjan was given the chance to make Raaz. The story was based on an English novel.
Waheeda Heroine
Gurudutt was the first person to shoot scenes of snow for his film. He chose Simla for location. Waheeda was the heroine and he was the hero. The film was half completed.Guru did not approve of the direction. He stopped the picture. Another loss of Rs. 60,000/-. There were other losses for signing agreements with authors like Shivshankar Pillai of ‘Chemeen’ fame. Then there was ‘Kannagi’, the life of a poetess devoted to God. And so many other themes, which he considered for films.
These ideas of his leaked out somehow and other producers made use of some of the themes Guru had in view. He never had a happy life, which had been his dream. To down his mental agony he started drinking heavily. He also became a chain smoker. These were his weaknesses.
His reputation was also spoiled by some persons, connecting his name with that of Waheeda. He certainly had a great admiration for her talents and understanding. She was his friend and well-wisher. That was all.
As all know, the film world is notorious for its gossip and scandal mongering. In Guru’s case, his name was involved with Waheeda mainly by his own dear ones. Too much of propaganda was made against him. But he was a person who cared neither for publicity and praise nor for condemnation.
Whenever Gurudutt was in a good mood he would play badminton and chess. He bought a boat and often went fishing in Powai Lake with a few friends. He went to Shikar with his friend Johnny Walker, Tarun and Arun. He would make kites for children, play with marbles whenever the children were with him. He was most cheerful in the company of children.
He once arranged a concert of Siddheswari Devi. Another time he invited Ali Akbar to play Sarod. He was his favourite when they both stayed at Almora. Even Vilayat Khan’s concert was held once. Each time only select friends and family members were invited. Geeta never liked classical music. She herself was a popular playback singer. Yet she had a dislike for classical music. He wanted to make films without songs, but following the tradition of the film industry and also for the sake of mass appeal he had to have music in his films.
When Tarun completed his fifth year, Gurudutt personally went to Darjeeling and admitted him in a public boarding school. Later, he sent his younger brother too to the school at Darjeeling.
The guardian, there, was not a straight person. After some time he started blackmailing Gurudutt in spite of his having taken full advantage of Gurudutt’s hospitality.
Geeta herself began to neglect her playback contracts. This business is peculiar. Once a person gives it up, there is little chance of his or her coming into limelight again. Geeta, however, sang in her husband’s films. But she lost the demand from outside. Everyone blamed Gurudutt for this, saying that he did not allow her to sing outside. On the contrary, he always encouraged her to take up outside engagements. The loss on account of Gouri and Raaz was heavy. So, to make up that he made Chaudhvin Ka Chand which is supposed to be very commercial. But this film was a hit. It celebrated its silver jubilee and brought good luck to Gurudutt. Personally, he was not satisfied with the picture. The film industry is more or less based on speculation. It is very difficult to anticipate beforehand the taste of the masses.
Once again, Gurudutt wanted to handle a serious subject of artistic nature. He hunted for themes. At last he liked Bimal Mitra’s Mithun Lagna. He chose Tandra Burman as the heroine. A few reels were shot. The heroine started giving trouble. He dropped the picture. He started the same author’s Gulmohar and wanted to take his sister-in-law as heroine. Somehow, he did not like to continue the film, and this was also dropped.
By this time, Bimal Mitra was a close friend. Whenever he went to Madras to act in Hindi films made there, he would ask Bimal Mitra to accompany him. Guru’s generosity had no limit. Who ever took seriously ill among his staff, he helped financially. He would spare his own room even for use by the sick.
Gurudutt opened his distribution office in London and Calcutta. He trained his third brother in the work of distribution. Unfortunately, both the offices brought him loss and troubles. Guru was not practical. He did not know business tactics. People took advantage of his simplicity, straightforwardness and weaknesses.
1955: Atmaram left Gurudutt Films and was doing documentary films for Burma Shell. He with his wife and little daughter left Bombay for London in 1958. Atmaram made a good name for himself with his documentaries and won several prizes. When Gurudutt stayed with him during his London trip, he observed Atma’s sincerity and systematic hard work. He always appreciated others’ talents and abilities. He asked Atmaram to resign and join Gurudutt Films once again.
Geeta neglected her health, and became a victim of alcohol. Her so-called friends took advantage of her weak mind and spoilt her as well as her career. The person who was next to Lata Mangeshkar had to step down. It was so tragic! Geeta had a voice which was God’s gift. Thus Geeta lost name, fame as well as her career.
Gurudutt could not tolerate women drinking heavily. In certain ways he was old fashioned. He disliked parties and the so-called women’s lib. He was Indian at heart. In this way, Gurudutt and Geeta were losing each other. It was so pathetic to observe. But, no one had the boldness to bring them together.
Kaagaz Ke Phool
In 1959, Kaagaz Ke Phool was made. Gurudutt was the first person to introduce Cinemascope in Hindi films. At that time the picture did not run well, but after his death, the picture got all the acclaim, and still whenever it runs, the cinema halls are full. His Pyaasa, Kaagaz Ke Phool as well as Saheb Bibi Aur Ghulam have been considered landmarks in Indian Cinema.
Saheb Bibi Aur Ghulam was a serious subject. Once again Gurudutt wanted to experiment. He went to Calcutta for a few months. He wanted an old palatial house for this theme. He was a person who would never give in. The shooting started. He engaged Waheeda Rehman as a side heroine and Meena Kumari as the main heroine. He was the hero. Hemant Kumar gave splendid music for this film. It took longer than he expected to complete the picture.
This picture did not bring success at that time. But later, the public realised the artistic merit in this difficult film. He gave a chance to Abrar Alvi to direct the film. He, of course, was the master-mind behind it. Those who saw the film could find Guru’s hand behind the film.
Soon guru signed for a few outside pictures also. Among them were Bharosa starring Asha Parekh. Bahurani with Mala Sinha, Sautela Bhai (in which he himself acted very well), Sanj Aur Savera with Meena Kumar and so on. He had great respect in the film industry in Madras, where years earlier Vasan of the Gemini Studios could not gauge his worth). Meanwhile, Geeta got a contract to act in a Bengali picture. Unfortunately the film flopped.
In 1961 January, Gurudutt lost his father suddenly. Somebody suggested that he destroy the Pali Hill bungalow and raise in its place a building of flats. It would be very profitable, he was told. Guru’s stars were bad. He did not give a second thought to it. The beautiful bungalow was destroyed. Ever since the bungalow was pulled down, Gurudutt’s home went to pieces gradually. Guru and Geeta quarrelled. Due to certain unpleasant happenings Guru wanted to put an end to his life.
Fortunately, I was at Pali Hill. He wrote a letter to Atmaram saying, “I am desperate. No one is responsible for my suicide. Please look after my children.” I cannot now think of that horrible time, or how it happened. For three days, Guru fought between life and death. Rumours spread that he was dead. He fortunately recovered and was his old self again. As the drug he had taken was too strong, the doctors doubted whether he would have a full recovery. Some people get a nervous breakdown. Anyway, nothing serious happened.
Once again Geeta came home. They went to Kashmir for a change. In August 1962, a girl was born to them. The couple’s wish was fulfilled. But alas, peace and harmony became once again unthinkable. The same unpleasantness was repeated. They shifted to ‘Ashish’ so that the proposed flats could be built. Geeta got offers to act in Hindi pictures, but these never materialised.

CHAPTER VII
Guru was tired of his unhappy domestic life. He shifted to Peddar Road to stay by himself. Geeta shifted to Bandra. He would visit the children, and request Geeta to send the children to him. Sometimes she agreed. At times she refused. Just then, he had signed for acting in Kananbala’s Sri Kanth, a Bengali picture. He was busy doing Baharen Phir Bhi Aayengi.
19th August, 1964, was Neena’s (Gurudutt’s daughter’s) second birthday. Gurudutt attended the party. He hugged the child warmly. I saw tears in his eyes. I was sitting in a corner watching him. He came to me and asked me “Ma, you look weak, are you not keeping well?” After a long time I heared his affectionate words. How happy I felt! Alas! That was the last time I saw my son Gurudutt.
On 10th October, Lalitha had invited all the members of the family to her home where there was to be a sitar recital by Abdul Halim Jaffarkhan in the evening.
The End
At 10 a.m. I was going to my daughter’s place, when all of a sudden we got the news that Gurudutt was seriously ill. I rushed to Peddar by taxi. While I stepped in, Atmaram came to take me inside and said “Amma, Gurudutt is no more.” I couldn’t believe it. I went to Gurudutt’s room. How calm and serene was his face! An open book was lying by the side of his pillow. I could not believe that my son had breathed his last. I went and felt his forehead. It was cold as ice. Then I went and sat near his feet. The shock was too much for me. I was stunned and sat like a stone. That day he was to be shooting and he also had an appointment with Raj Kapoor.
I believe Gurudutt and Geeta had a hot discussion on the phone about the children. He wanted her to send the children to him, which she refused. Whoever thought that Gurudutt would take it so seriously?
Abrar was staying with him, writing the dialogue of Baharen Phir Bhi Aayengi. It was the last scene in which the heroine departs for ever. Guru told Abrar. “Abrar I would like to retire. You continue the writing.” So saying, he went to his bedroom. He had drunk a lot and had also taken sleeping pills. There was the glass of water and the wrapper of the pills by his side. He never woke up from his sleep. The end must have come in the early hours of the morning, the doctors said.
Gurudutt’s personal physician came at 8 a.m. for the usual check-up. The door was locked so he promised to come again and left. At 10 a.m. Geeta rang up to find out whether he had woken up. The doors were locked. She ordered the servants to break open the door. The doctors could not grant the death certificate as they could not say whether the death was natural or unnatural and, therefore, doubtful.
Both Raj Kapoor and Dev Anand were among the first person to arrive and pay their last tribute. They went to the Coroner’s office with Atma.
Everyone wondered why Geeta, of all persons, wanted the servants to break open the door, when she was staying away from him? Still it is a mystery. She too rushed to “ARY - Royal” after getting the shocking news. The boys were in school. Neena was with her mother.
I could not stand all those last rites, I went to Lalitha’s house. People had gathered for the concert. As soon as Abdul Halim heared the news, he played a homage on his sitar and prayed for the departed soul.
Lalitha was there until the end. She gave us a description of the events that took place.
They carried the bier outside the building, Guru had his own lorry in which the body was to be carried. The bier was placed in it, and hundreds of wreaths and floral tributes were placed over the body. The lorry crawled towards Sonapur carrying its master still surrounded by his colleagues, members of the family, his film unit, friends and fans.
It was then that poor Atmaram set fire to the bier-fire which purifies the soul.
The chanting grew in volume. The flames leapt up and Eternity emancipated the slave of time from the chains of destiny and death for ever.
Thus Gurudutt’s life ended within the span of thirty-nine years. He had won the hearts of thousands by his generous and good nature. He was at the peak of success through his contribution to the film world.
He had always said “The filmline is uncertain. One should step down from the climax of success”. His wish was fulfilled.

Posted by Gaurav Shukla 09:08  

Labels: Biography, Guru Dutt

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